What Kind Of Person Do You Want To Be?

This morning I did not want to work out.  I contemplated calling my workout buddy and making some excuse.  I even went so far as to check my youngest daughters temperature (she said she wasn't feeling well).  Every excuse ran through my head.  But something stopped me.  Or rather I should say SOMEBODY.

My middle child asked me how far I was going to walk today.  And if I was going to meet her friends mom (my workout partner).  I didn't want to tell her I was tired.  I didn't want to let my daughter down, myself down, my workout buddy down.  So, I got a strong Starbucks coffee, laced up my tennies and walked.

We walked approximately 7 miles today before I thought I was going to fall over.  I forgot to take water!  Stupid mistake as my band was tight and I felt dehydrated.  1 mile from my house we had to call a friend to pick us up because I thought I was going to pass out!  (Thanks T........our rescuer in a mini van!).

Anyway, the point is.............I didn't think I would walk that far.  It is approximately 4 miles from my driveway to the stop sign at the end of our curvy road.  There are hills, dips and twists.  When you finally make it to the stop sign you are actually in the next town.

But, we kept walking.  We kept talking.  Before we knew it we were almost there.  Then we pushed ourselves to reach that Stop sign.

I got to thinking about how I used to view challenges in my life.  I would sit and look at them.  I would think there is no way.  I would give up.

Not anymore.

Now, if I have to I will chisel away at the wall (obstacle).  It may be slow but I WILL get through.  If I can, I will scale that wall or find away around it.

What a huge moment............as a woman, as a mom.

I don't want my girls to think I have given up.  And that is what I had done.  I was letting life get the best of me.

I want to be the kind of mom that inspires her girls.  I want them to remember that I was strong, independent, capable, fearless, empowered............ that I could do anything.

I want to be a role model.  I want them to WANT to be like me.  I don't want them to be embarrassed by the fact that their mom has given up.  I want to be present.

That is what I am doing.  Everyday.  I am pounding this pavement for myself and my girls.

I am going to prove to myself I can do this.  I can keep going, even when I think I can't go another step.

Today, I became a little more athletic.  A little stronger.  A little more determined.

Today, I believe I can accomplish anything.

Today is a good day because I didn't STOP.





I am strong.........I am woman!

THE stop sign.

Lesley and Me after walking 4 miles.  She is the best workout buddy EVER!

One of the big curves and hills (looks bigger in person!)

I found this quote and thought I would share it:

It's the constant and determined effort that breaks down all resistance and sweeps away all obstacles.

Claude M. Bristol

Head Games

This weekend I had to go shopping for a dress to wear to an upcoming wedding.  Being that I live a town that has Wally World and a few other small stores the options were limited.  Even more limited when you want to go to a plus size department.

I went to Cato.  Why?  Cheap, trendy and available.  I tried on several dresses.

I ended up picking out a really cute short dress with pockets (I LOVE pockets!).  It was perfect.  What was even more perfect is that I fit into a 14/16W.....the equivalent of a 1X. 

I haven't been down this low in at least 5-6 yrs.  I guess my morning walks up and down hills are paying off.

I should have been content with the 14/16 right?  But, in my head I HAD to try on the bigger size.  I bought an 18/20.  Now before you comment on how ridiculous that is, I already exchanged it.  I took the dress back the next day and got the 14/16.  But, it freaked me out.  Being in the smaller size.  I just couldn't comprehend it.  Why?

Head games.  Don't our brains play tricks on us?  Make us think there is no way we could fit into a size?  No way we are smaller?  Surely, we are just as big as we were. 

Weight loss is such a mental game.  Sure my scale was down 2 lbs. this week.  Mainly because I got my ass moving.  I did not skip a day of working out.  I basically ate right.  But 2 lbs.  how can that be?  But it is.  IT IS.

Sometimes this process is so frustrating.  I know I am doing what I am supposed to, I know the scale is going down so why can I not accept this?  Surely, I do not look the same as the woman who weighed 95 lbs. more.

Self acceptance is hard.  Self acceptance is also necessary.  Especially as I get closer to maintenance.  I have to learn to love myself.  So I can succeed and keep this weight off.

That to me is the hardest part of this whole weight loss journey..............self-acceptance. 

Sleeveless Shirts

I am not a fan of the sleeveless shirt.  It really does me no justice.  In fact, it has been years since I have worn anything without sleeves.

Not only did my butt fit into a size 16 denim capris this morning but I wore a sleeveless shirt.

Say What?

Yeah, there is something about my bat-like arms that I really want to cover.  I wasn't thrilled that the only shirt I could find that matched the capris was a salmon colored sleeveless top.

I am a big picture taker now,  so of course I had to document it.



I didn't reveal a lot of arm.  I don't want to offend you or make you go blind. 

Am I comfortable with sleeveless?  Not so much.  I definitely won't be hunting for sleeveless shirts during my shopping expeditions.

And what is with my pointy like nose now?  Has anyone else experienced a total face shape change?

Have a great weekend fellow bloggers!  I will be the one lying by the pool with a margarita flavored Crystal Light in my hand.

Crazy Texas T-shirts

My cousin came for a short visit this afternoon.  We took the kids and walked around the Granbury historic square.  It is full of tacky memorabilia, bobble headed figures and lots of blingy jewelry.

Upon entering what is probably the loudest and most outrageous shop we found this t-shirt.

Really, need I say more?

This is what I will look like when I loose all my weight.............NOT!

On an entirely different topic:  I went to see my surgeon today.  No fill for me!  I am in my green zone. 

We talked for a few minutes about my diet and exercise routine and went over my weight loss for the last month............7.5 lbs.

I was a little disappointed in myself.  Why?  Old habits.  Really, what did I expect?  That is almost 2 lbs. a week. 

I voiced my concerns.  Should I change my carb counts?  Maybe my sodium is too high?  Should I not occasionally give in to my little splurges?

He rolled his eyes.  He said I was right on track.  A model patient.

 Me, the model patient.  That is music to an over-achievers ears.

What did I take out of the appointment?

1.  I always try to be the best at everything. I beat myself up if I fall a little short. Very bad habit.  It could lead to diet demise.  I have to be easier on myself.

2.  My calories and exercise are fine.  More is not always better.

3.  I really don't want to be one of those ladies that looses too quickly and end up with really flappy arms.

4.  I have to be realistic in my goals.

5.  I have to be happy with myself.  Because, I have come a long way, baby!  (Wasn't that some cigarette ad in the 80's?)

That is all for today.  This girly is worn out from the 3.5 miles I walked and the 20 minutes of Yoga I did today. 

Adios, from the land of the tacky t-shirts.



Pilates, Yoga and Walking Up Large Hills

Yesterday I started my day by trying Pilates.  Um...................I came to the conclusion that I was not meant to be a human pretzel and quickly turned off the DVD.

Then, I tried Yoga.............not fast Yoga.  Healing Yoga.  My hip tends to pop in and out of joint and since I really don't want to hear how I have messed it up by being heavy, I thought Yoga might help stretch it out.  Can I say......................I LOVED IT!  So relaxing.

However, I felt I wasn't "working" hard enough, that is.................until this morning.  Every muscle ached.  I am thinking Yoga maybe 2 or 3 times a week.

Well, this morning I met a friend for a nice "walk".  I adore her.  She loved me when I was 300 lbs. and she loves me at 226 lbs.  She is so accepting.  Everyone needs a friend like her.

Anyhoo....................she lives on the largest hill in our town.  Keep in mind we live in flat, below sea level Texas. 

Holy Crap!  45 minutes of walking up and down hills.  My lungs were on fire. But, I feel great!  So much better than going to the gym.  I love being outside but when it is 106 degrees by 3 p.m.  I tend to hang out in the air conditioning.  I just love Texas weather (NOT!).

We decided to meet 3 days a week. 

I am determined to keep my gym time to a minimum.  I crave the outdoors (it may have something to do with growing up in the Pacific Northwest).  I think my body needs that fresh air and vitamin D.

All this working out is CrAzY to me!  At 300 + lbs.  the only exercise I got was walking to the fridge.  Now, if I miss a day I am in a funk. 

Such a huge difference after loosing 92 lbs.  I feel myself getting healthier and healthier. 

I love my band!  It has given me back my life. 

Meet The Teacher

The photo on the left was taken at meet the teacher 2 yrs ago.  The photo on the right was taken tonight, two years and 91 lbs. lighter.

It is easy for me to critique both pictures.  But I won't.

Just the fact that I feel so much better about myself and life is proof enough for me that I am on the right track.

I think I shocked some people tonight.  I wore a t-shirt that actually fit.  And, I must say that I wore a push up bra that really highlighted that my chest is now larger than my stomach.  A lot of people did not know about my weight loss journey.  I even caught myself telling people (skinny minnies) that I did this through diet and exercise. 

It is true.  It seemed easier to not bring up the band with people who might criticize me or talk behind my back.   Is it lying by omission?  I don't know.  I tell people all the time about my band.   I tell strangers, friends, family, all of you in blog land.............but there are certain kinds of people who are just critical about everything.  I guess I wasn't ready to tackle those critics just yet.

Anyway, I am proud I took my camera.  Proud that I have a picture to remember tonight.  Proud that I have worked my butt off (literally) so that my chest is larger than my stomach.  Just proud.



Bad Kharmic Turkey

When kharma comes back to me it really bites me in the ass.  Case in point...............

Hubster walked into the house after work last week and slammed U.S.A. Today on the table.

"What?" I said.

"Ha!  I told you ground turkey was bad," he said.

U.S.A. Today Headline:
Ground Turkey Blamed For 1 Death, 76 Illnesses (full story below)
http://yourlife.usatoday.com/fitness-food/safety/story/2011/08/CDC-1-death-76-illnesses-linked-to-ground-turkey/49768302/1

And if that wasn't enough................

We are driving in our car when hubby's cell phone rings.

It was Kroger calling with a recorded message:  ground turkey has been recalled.

When the universe tells me something it is not subtle.............I get the point: NO MORE GROUND TURKEY!



Rearview Mirror

I found this status on a friends wall on FB.

Once you've made a decision to move on, don't look back. You will never find your future in the rear view mirror.



Talk about true!  For so long I have been glancing in my rear view mirror.  Comparing myself to my past self.  What I used to be.  How skinny I was once.  No wonder I felt discouraged for so long.

You see, I am not the same person I was 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago.  I am an ALMOST 40 year old woman who has given birth to 3 beautiful girls.........all via c-section.  No matter how hard I try that flat stomach is just not achievable unless I go under the plastic surgery knife.

I have earned all my tiny wrinkles around my eyes (they are starting to show up more as I lose weight).  My tata's..................*sigh* I joke that they look like a National Geographic picture of a woman who has never seen a good bra.  Again, I have nursed 3 kiddos.............plastics may be in my future if I would like them to point North again.

What I am saying is I AM NOT PERFECT.  I never will be.  And the more I take a good look in my non-rear view mirror the more I am okay with that.

Being fat has made me more conscience of other peoples feelings and for that I am grateful.  I used to wish that I had never gone down this road.  I am beginning to see that this journey will make me a woman that I will really like. 

I have said before that I hope I keep my fat girl personality in a new skinnier body.  That is still my hope.  I NEVER want to forget where I came from and where I am going. 

But, I will no longer long for the life that I see in the rear view mirror because each day this journey just gets more and more amazing. 

Room In The Bed

There is a lot more room in our bed lately.  I haven't said this in quite awhile but my hubby is banded too.

Between the 70 pounds he has lost plus the 88 I have lost there is plenty of room in our king sized bed.

That is why this has been inserted into the middle (of the bed):

Yeah, one 7 year old (approx. 50 lbs.) and one black lab puppy (approx. 50 lbs.) sleep with us almost every night. 

I know it looks sweet BUT.......................I want my bed back!  I want to enjoy my thinner self in my big bed. 

Oh well!  It is good to be loved.



Uneventful Weigh In..........again.

Today I loathe the scale............I mean really, really loathe it!  Why?  It has not budged again. 

I have been playing with the same pound now for 2 weeks.  Up to 231 then back down to 230.  I think my body is protesting letting go the 5 lbs. it lost 2 weeks ago.  So.............

On to a new plan.  Last week, I cut calories to around 1,000 and exercised daily.  I do not think 1,000 calories is enough for me. 

This week I will stay between 1,200 to 1,300 and hit the gym at least 3 days and swim at least 3 days.  I am going to tackle the elliptical machine.........oh how I dread that awful torture contraption!

Also, I have been reaching my protein goal BUT have been a little lax on the carbs.  Not this week.  My goal is to only eat really lean protein, my yummy Greek yogurt and carb friendly veggies.

Oh, and take my Benefiber because with all that protein, I am sure to get backed up. 

That is my plan.  Sounds good written out.........hopefully, I can stick to it!

In All My Infinate Wisdom (Otherwise Known As: Dumb Things I Do)

In all my infinite wisdom I decided to eat prunes because they are a natural laxative.  I didn't think they would get stuck.  But they did................

In all my infinite wisdom I decided to give up coffee and suffered a mind-wrenching headache thus, giving in and driving to Starbucks.

In all my infinite wisdom I decided to spend the day exercising in the pool.  Only I forgot to wear water-proof mascara and looked really pretty when I went into the drugstore.

In all my infinite wisdom I decided to Nair my legs..........but forgot to rinse it all the way off.  My legs burned like hell.

In all my infinite wisdom I decided to walk to the mailbox without putting on my bra under my t-shirt.  I saw 2 neighbors.

In all my infinite wisdom I decided not to buy new undies until I make it down just one more size.  My kids laughed at me and said I looked like I had a load in my britches.

In all my infinite wisdom I decided to leave our lab in the laundry room since it is 110 degrees.  She ate through the door.

In all my infinite wisdom I decided I could jump in the pool because I thought I had skinnied up.  I forgot the pool was only 4' 5" deep, jammed my leg and thought I would have to go to the E.R.

In all my infinite wisdom.................who am I kidding?  I don't think I have infinite wisdom!

Have a great day fellow bandsters and bloggers and remember........sometimes our infinite wisdom is really not wisdom at all!

Thick Necks & Necklaces Don't Mix

Today as I was trying on a necklace that I found,  I remembered a not so pretty memory.  I guess I had blocked this from my mind and it resurfaced from my subconscious.

I went to a jewelry party hosted by one of my friends.  I remember as I looked around the party thinking that I was the fatest person in the room.  The lady gave her sales pitch and we all dug into her jewelry trunk.  I love jewelry.  When you are heavy that is something that you can still wear and not have to worry about it fitting..........or so I thought.

I began trying on bracelets and then moved to necklaces.  However, a lot of the necklaces I couldn't get clasped.  Why?  Because my neck was too fat.  How humiliating. 

I remember feeling defeated as I set the beautiful necklace down.  The sales lady approached me and said, "We do make extenders."  She said it in front of my friends.  She was trying to be helpful.  I was so embarrassed that I probably turned as red as a fire truck.

I politely excused myself and went home empty handed.

I cried the whole way home.  I was mortified that I had let myself get so fat that I couldn't even buy costume jewelry. 

Anyway, today I found a necklace in my desk that my mom had given me last Christmas.  I remember having to use the last clasp to wear it.

I tried it on and.....................clasped in on the 3rd clasp.  About 14 links away from the last one.  Such an eye opener!  I haven't really been paying attention but as I look in the mirror my neck is making another appearance.

I cried.  Not tears of humiliation this time but tears of happiness.

Sometimes, we need concrete proof that we are making progress.  Yes, people tell us we look great.  Yes, we see the scale going down.  But, when you can clasp a different link on a necklace or put on those pants that have been hanging in your closet waiting for your waistline to shrink......... only then does it click that you are on the right track!





Another Birthday Unforgotten

Last week was my youngest daughter's birthday.  I took a picture to document this fact.

Is it the best picture of me?  No!  But the fact that this picture exists is a huge statement to the fact that I am feeling good about myself. 

In another year when I look back on this photo I will remember Georgia's 7th birthday and hopefully how far I have come in my weight loss journey.

That is what I call SUCCESS!



Stupid Scale

Really, it CAN make you cry!  Especially when you have been under your calorie count all week, exercised and the scale has not budged............not even an ounce!

Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason to this little devil box we step on.



Don't Tell...........

Shhhhhh...............

This is a secret so don't tell.

My sister made me cry on the phone the other day.  Not in the bad way,  but in the I know she is proud of me way.  Did I say I adore my sis? 

I was talking blog design (she is a graphic artist) with her .  I explained to her that I wanted to create a button to link my blog to my FB page.  Which is a huge NSV because most of my FB friends have no idea how much weight I had gained or the fact that I am now banded (now they know!).  She said she assumed I had told my secret.

I told her it was because I wanted to make sure I would succeed at this.  I have failed so many diets before.  I didn't want the pressure.  I told her that I wanted to reach my goal before going majorly "public".

She paused and said....................

You have already succeeded.  You have lost 88 lbs.

I explained my fear of being stuck here, at this number.  Maybe I couldn't loose anymore, then what?

You know what she said?

She said, hand to heart, YOU ALREADY LOST 88 LBS!!!!  YOU ARE A SUCCESS!

My sister told me I had succeeded.  Me..............succeeded!  Sometimes, we just need to hear that encouragement from the people we love the most.

Are you a member of UASW?

Are you a scale whore? 

Do you step on the scale everytime you pass it?

If you are join UASW.  That's right UASW a.k.a. United Association of Scale Whores.


 I have lovingly started the UASW non-profit organization.  Feel free to post the picture or add it to your blog!

Scale Whores Unite!

Look mom I can tie my shoes..............

Yesterday, I was as giddy as a 6 yr. old.  Because....................

I tied my shoes................

NOT sitting on the floor stretched out but with knees bent.
NOT on the side but in the middle.
NOT loosely to accommodate for my fat piggies.

I just tied them........normally.

HUGE NSV.

I took a picture to remember the day.



See what I can do?

By the way, aren't my new shoes pretty?  My mom took the girls back to school shopping and let me pick a pair too!  My mom hasn't bought me new shoes in years...........seeing as how I am a grown up now.

Well that is it.  

Go forth and tie your shoes..........................

Candid Camera

I just took a photo of myself with my youngest daughter.  It was kind of a spur of the moment, no makeup, hair barely combed kinda photo.  But when I look at the photo for the first time I no longer see that morbidly obese woman of previous pictures.

I thought I would share today's photo and include the infamous Sonic photo for comparison.

Without Makeup

With Makeup

OH MY!!!  I want to tell this woman to put the Sonic down.  Me at my heaviest probably 333.

Yikes!  The former picture should be a billboard as to why you should NOT eat fast food.

Anyway, a big shout out to all my  pool mommy friends who convinced me today that I am looking damn good.  Everyone needs their very own pep squad and I am honored to have mine!



Stylin' New Look......Thanks to a 10 yr. old!

I can not take the credit for downloading my new blog background.  Being the computer-challenged type when it comes to blog design,  I turned to the expert in my house..............my 10 yr. old daughter.

Yesterday, I tried to copy and paste the background with no success.  For 2 hours.  Needless to say, I was a wee bit pissed off at the computer.

My daughter fixed it in 10 minutes.........tops.  No lie.  She is a brilliant computer master-mind. 

What makes my computer inabilities even more pathetic is my husband is the IT (Information Technology ) Director at the hospital.  That's right, he is the head geek.  His wife on the other hand, constantly has to turn the computer off and back on again to fix the problems I create.

So, thanks Hannah, you made mommies blog very pretty.  And if you ever need advice.............she said she is taking e-mails. :)

Gastric Distress

I was reminded yesterday of a story a friend told me years ago.............

Her and her fiance, who is a physician, were driving in West Texas (so i.e. ....middle of nowhere) when he started sweating, shaking and rocking in his seat.  She asked him what was wrong, thinking he was having some kind of seizure-like episode.  He replied, "I am in gastric distress and need to find a place to go poop NOW!"  She nearly fell out of the car laughing.  Poor guy.

Why am I telling you this?  Because yesterday my day was filled with gastric distress.  I don't know if the turkey burger I ate the night before didn't sit well (probably my bad kharma for lying to my husband about turkey spagetti) or I had a tummy bug.   Either way, me and turkey are getting divorced for awhile.

Maybe the scale will go down...........sadly, that was my first thought.

You know you are a bandster when the first thing that you think after visiting the comode is............ I wonder how much weight I just lost.

Confrontation

I will begin by saying I am like an ostrich.  When conflict comes I tend to bury my head in the sand.  Or maybe I am like an armadillo.  I curl up and play dead.........or is that a possum?

Anyway, I avoid confrontation at all costs.  This is a trait lovingly passed on by my mother (no offense if you are reading this mom). 

But, today I dealt with confrontation head on.  It is so unlike me!  I think I have a new found courage. 

I would love to tell you all about my confrontation but it is really personal (am I a tease or what?).  All I can say is I am proud of myself for being an adult and taking some responsibility.

I am so proud of myself that I called my hubby at work to tell him.  He is the one person I fear will give me a negative comment.  But he didn't! 

I am hoping next time something big comes up I won't hide.  I am hoping with all my new courage that I will face my fears head on.

That is a lot to hope for.