I'm Going Old School.............

I have decided to go old school on myself. 

Old school, baby!

As in........I am strapping on my pedometer again.

I do not think that I have been getting enough cardio in (despite boot camp and walking).

When I was in the middle of my weight loss phase I religiously wore my trusty pedometer EVERY DAY.  My goal was 10,000 steps per day (the equivalent of 5 miles).

I didn't start with 10,000 steps.  Nope.  I didn't want to give myself a heart attack.  Instead I started at 2,500 steps per day and eventually worked my way up to 10,000.

But, somewhere after I hit my maintenance number I quit wearing it.  I don't remember when this happened or even why....I just did.  One day, I forgot to wear it and then it never made a daily reappearance.   Probably because I felt like I hit my goal so why bother.  But, that isn't the right attitude.

As we all know, this weight loss/maintenance thing is an ongoing process.  I will never feel safe at my current weight.  I will always be on guard.  And so, I have decided to wear my pedometer again.  So I know without a doubt that I am making a conscience effort at maintaining my current health.

So there you have it.

That is why I strapped this on today.

I will wear it from the time I get up until the time I go to bed.  It will have a little shrine on my bedside table.  After all, it does deserve a sacred location as it was the exact pedometer that got me to my goal.

However, I do have a new goal.

12,500 steps per day.  That is what constitutes a VERY ACTIVE lifestyle.  Which has always been my goal.

Yep, I am kicking it old school again.

Anyone, care to join me?

How Freeing.................

This past week has been very contemplative for me.

You see, in the past week I have seen not 1 person but 2 people who had such a negative bearing on my life when I was at my lowest (and heaviest) point.  Not 1 but 2. 

These people had a HUGE effect on how I felt about myself.  Because I gave them that power.  The power to make me feel worthless.  To feel like I did not deserve to even breathe the same air they were breathing.

I kid you not.  These people were awful.  Probably, okay most likely, because I allowed them to be.  I allowed them to have the power to make me loathe myself.  And worse, I became so bitter about it I wore that pain like a shield and let it fester and create such resentment not only towards them but towards myself.  It justified my belief that  I was a failure.

But, something has completely shifted over the last year and a half.  What has shifted is the balance of power I give others.  As I have lost the weight and shed the depression I have regained my confidence.  And truth be told, there are very few people I let have a negative effect on me anymore. I just don't give them the power.

So, when I saw these people (and let's be honest, I live in Smalltown, TX, it was bound to happen) I had daydreamed about how the scenario would play out....

A.  After realizing who I was and saying how totally awesome I look, I would smugly agree and dismiss them.

B.  I would get to say...Look at me!  I skinnied up but you are still a complete asshole.   And then I would of course promptly dismiss them.

But, that isn't what happened.  At all.

How it really went down was this:

Across a party I notice someone out of the corner of my eye staring at me.  I have grown accustomed to this now.  The slow recognition.  But, when I turn and lock eyes it is someone I really could have done without seeing ever again.  The thing is I feel absolutely NOTHING.  Nada.  Zilch.  No anger, no resentment, just the absence of all the bitterness that I had carried around for so long.  So, I just smile and continue with my conversation.

2 days later I see the same person.  And again nothing.  No hate, no resentment, no anxiety.  Just a peace.

And several days later, I see person number 2.  And I again feel exactly the same way as when I saw person 1.

All the years that I have carried around that extra weight and extra bitterness are gone. 

How freeing.

How completely surreal.

How humbling.

To know that I do not hold someones words like weapons above myself.  That I am at a place now that I am okay.  That I am now okay with me.  With who I am and who I have become.

6 years of pain...gone.

6 years of self loathing....gone.

And the realization that I am going to be fine now.  In fact, I am going to be more than fine.  I can not begin to tell you how that feels.

I will leave you with my favorite quote of all time from Eleanor Roosevelt:

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

From this day forward, I know that NO ONE will ever have my consent to make me feel the way I felt about myself for years.  No one will ever have that power again. 

I won't let them.......

Neighborly Chickens????

The other day, I came home to this:

In case you are wondering what that is in the middle of my field, let me just say it is a large cage.

I also found these:

2 new chickens.

Yeah.  Oh joy.

Because in my mind.....

This:

+



This:

=

This:

CRAP-TASTIC!!!!

I was gone only an hour.  To the grocery store.  To make sure my family would be able to eat for the weekend.  As you can image I was a bit surprised to find 2 new chickens.  Because if you have been reading this blog for awhile you know that chickens are not my favorite pet.

So, I stomped my way into the house in a huff and questioned the hubs.  I would have shone a light in his face and used my superb interrogation techniques but I was seriously taken aback by the whole chicken situation.

Anyway,  I asked where the hells bells those chickens had come from.

Apparently, the neighbor lady upon seeing my car leave came over with a large pen and two chickens she wanted to get rid of. 

Make no mistake, I really like our neighbors.  They live 1/4 mile down the road.  They don't bother us.  We are all friendly and know if either of us needed anything all we have to do is ask.  But................and here is the big but...................she knows I no likey the chickens.  So, she waited until I drove off because she knows the hubs will tell her sure. 

Nice. 

I just had to ask him why she would want to give up 2 chickens that apparently are producing 2 fresh eggs a day.  I mean, what's the catch?  It just seemed too good to be true.

The hubs just shrugged his shoulders. 

Let me say this, I love the hubby.  But when they were passing out common sense, he refused to take it.  The man is brilliant, super book smart, but common sense he is lacking.  It never occurred to him to question her.

Well, yesterday I found out why she dumped the said chickens on us.  She did it because they are just flat out mean.  M-E-A-N.

Chicken bullies.

All I have to say is this:

Well played neighbor.  Well.  Played.  A tip of the old hat to you.  You have given us two chickens who are the biggest chicken bullies I have ever seen. 

Also neighbor, just wait.......one day you will have to go to the grocery store too.  And you never know what neighborly thing I may drop off at your house.  Because, I know your hubby will agree to it too.

Oh, and here is the song my sweet 8 yr. old composed about the chickens that day:

In case you can't read an 8 yr. olds chicken stratch (pun intended):

Chickens are mean,
Chickens are cruel.
I hope I don't get,
Chicken pot stew.

I couldn't have said it better myself.