Weight Loss Ticker

About Me

My photo
TX, United States
I am a 39 yr. old stay at home mom to 3 girls ages 10, 9 and 7. My goal is to be fit by 40! I want to lead a healthier lifestyle. I was banded on 4/5/2011. I tend to be a bit on the sarcastic and cynical side. I love to read, hate to excersise (but am learning to tolerate it!), love to shop and want to smack anyone who is a size 2 (not really!). I am learning to work with my band and my new self one day at a time!

Contact Info

Please feel free to e-mail me at brendamyers@msn.com

Follow by Email

Powered by Blogger.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

How Freeing.................

This past week has been very contemplative for me.

You see, in the past week I have seen not 1 person but 2 people who had such a negative bearing on my life when I was at my lowest (and heaviest) point.  Not 1 but 2. 

These people had a HUGE effect on how I felt about myself.  Because I gave them that power.  The power to make me feel worthless.  To feel like I did not deserve to even breathe the same air they were breathing.

I kid you not.  These people were awful.  Probably, okay most likely, because I allowed them to be.  I allowed them to have the power to make me loathe myself.  And worse, I became so bitter about it I wore that pain like a shield and let it fester and create such resentment not only towards them but towards myself.  It justified my belief that  I was a failure.

But, something has completely shifted over the last year and a half.  What has shifted is the balance of power I give others.  As I have lost the weight and shed the depression I have regained my confidence.  And truth be told, there are very few people I let have a negative effect on me anymore. I just don't give them the power.

So, when I saw these people (and let's be honest, I live in Smalltown, TX, it was bound to happen) I had daydreamed about how the scenario would play out....

A.  After realizing who I was and saying how totally awesome I look, I would smugly agree and dismiss them.

B.  I would get to say...Look at me!  I skinnied up but you are still a complete asshole.   And then I would of course promptly dismiss them.

But, that isn't what happened.  At all.

How it really went down was this:

Across a party I notice someone out of the corner of my eye staring at me.  I have grown accustomed to this now.  The slow recognition.  But, when I turn and lock eyes it is someone I really could have done without seeing ever again.  The thing is I feel absolutely NOTHING.  Nada.  Zilch.  No anger, no resentment, just the absence of all the bitterness that I had carried around for so long.  So, I just smile and continue with my conversation.

2 days later I see the same person.  And again nothing.  No hate, no resentment, no anxiety.  Just a peace.

And several days later, I see person number 2.  And I again feel exactly the same way as when I saw person 1.

All the years that I have carried around that extra weight and extra bitterness are gone. 

How freeing.

How completely surreal.

How humbling.

To know that I do not hold someones words like weapons above myself.  That I am at a place now that I am okay.  That I am now okay with me.  With who I am and who I have become.

6 years of pain...gone.

6 years of self loathing....gone.

And the realization that I am going to be fine now.  In fact, I am going to be more than fine.  I can not begin to tell you how that feels.

I will leave you with my favorite quote of all time from Eleanor Roosevelt:

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

From this day forward, I know that NO ONE will ever have my consent to make me feel the way I felt about myself for years.  No one will ever have that power again. 

I won't let them.......

8 comments:

  1. That is one of my favorite quotes. I am so glad you feel freed of all the pain and self loathing. That is an amazing gift to give oneself.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That is amazing! I am so happy for you! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love that quote! It's amazing how losing weight helps us take more control of our lives and not give others the power to make us feel inferior. You are going to be more than fine, my friend...you are so strong and will NEVER give someone else that power over you again!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is such a powerful post that I could write a book and respond, lol.......but I'm not...simply.....GROWTH IS BEAUTIFUL!

    :)

    Sandra

    ReplyDelete
  5. This was beautiful, I'm so glad I found your blog!

    bandwithme.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love your spirit. You are so awesome. Glad you now know that free feeling - it must make the entire journey so worth it.

    ReplyDelete