Weight Loss Ticker

About Me

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TX, United States
I am a 39 yr. old stay at home mom to 3 girls ages 10, 9 and 7. My goal is to be fit by 40! I want to lead a healthier lifestyle. I was banded on 4/5/2011. I tend to be a bit on the sarcastic and cynical side. I love to read, hate to excersise (but am learning to tolerate it!), love to shop and want to smack anyone who is a size 2 (not really!). I am learning to work with my band and my new self one day at a time!

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Please feel free to e-mail me at brendamyers@msn.com

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Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Building Walls

For years I perfected the art of building walls around myself.  To keep people out.  To keep myself safe.  Because if you let people see the real you and they don't like it...........then what?  Then you have to deal with the realization that maybe there are things about yourself that are unlovable.  Or worse yet, you could get emotionally hurt.  That's what happens in relationships.  Hearts break.  Feelings get hurt.  It can be messy.

So I built my wall.  And my weight was a physical barrier between myself and others.  A way to keep people at arms length.  And if someone did break through the wall (and a few have), they become my friend for life.  I am one of the most loyal people you will ever know (my true friends can testify to this).

But occassionally, people leave.  Because I let them down.  Or they let me down.  It happens.  It has happened.  It will happen again.

I don't deal well with this.  Rejection.  It rocks me to my core.

And so I seldom (if ever) let someone back in once they have broken my confidence.  Sad, but true.  I can forgive, but somewhere in the back of my mind the situation will be on a continuous loop.  Replaying again and again, as a reminder to keep my guard up.  Keep that wall in place.

I come from a long line of deny-ers.  My nana was the master.  She taught my mom.  Who in turn passed the skill on to me.  So, if someone really hurts me.  Or a situation is too much for me to deal with, I put it in a little box.  And wrap it up with a pretty bow.  And set it somewhere on a shelf.  Where I convienantly forget about it.  Until, I have to deal with it (if I ever do).

And here lies the problem.

Because these uncomfortable feelings eat me up.  And in the past, I ATE and used food as a crutch to deal with things.

At the beginning of my journey, I remember being so upset one night that I stood in front of the fridge with the door open wanting desperately to eat something.  Wanting to build that wall of weight back up around myself so I would feel safe.

But, I didn't eat.  That night, or the next time, or the next time.  And so, I have broken the habit of eating to escape my feelings.

The problem is, until recently I still put my feelings in a little box and denied them.

Last week, I HAD to deal with the resurface of feelings from years ago.  And all of a sudden, I didn't know what to do.  I am not a crier.  And yet, I sat bawling as each feeling came up.  Because now, I don't have my weight to shield myself from the pain.  And so, the pain is real.

This is the emotional part of the weight loss journey.  And, it ain't pretty.  But, it sure is necessary. 

Until we deal with all the emotions and feelings that tie us to food, we can not break the cycle.  It will just resurface again and again.

I am a work in progress.  I will always be a work in progress.  Especially when it comes to my emotions.

But, at least now I am progressing. 

Moving forward.

Refusing to build up a barrier to keep my feelings and others out.

I haven't mastered it yet, but I am trying.

Surely, that is half the battle.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Motivational Monday

I am proud that I have lost over 150 lbs.  But, at the same time I am not satisfied. 

Let me explain.........

I am satisfied with my myself and my weightloss but, there is much more that I need to accomplish.

I need to eat less prossessed foods.  More vegetables.  Less.........chip like substances.  More fresh fruit.  Less..........well, dessert or sweets in general.

I need to get back to Zumba.  And going to to gym.

Yes, it is okay to walk or run outside but I truly need to lift weights and challenge myself with my cardio again.

I think I have just been sitting back and enjoying my victory.  Which is okay.  For awhile.  Now, its time to get back to work.

Dang!  I just had to write this.  Now that it is in writing it must be done.

Sometimes, reality sucks.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

Ten Things Thursday is brought to us by the lovely Laura at Beer, Dogs and Getting Healthier.

1.  A new law as been decreed in my house.  It is called "Lily's Law" because it only seemed fitting to name it after Lily since she made it up.  Anywhoo, the law states:  If you (puppy) choose to eat an article of clothing then you MUST wear said article of clothing for the day. 
Here is Lily holding the accused puppy wearing dirty underwear she was found chewing.  I think the puppy is actually smiling though.  So much for guilting the accused.

2.  The kids leave in exactly 17 hours for their 2 week vacation to Alabama.  Their bags are packed and waiting by the door.  I am trying to decide what to do with my 2 weeks of freedom.  Massage?  Pedi?  Lazy pajama days?  Or...........all of the above.  Yeah, all of the above, that's the plan.

3.  Who knew you could be this sore from running a mile?!  My quads are SCREAMING at me.  I am assuming you use completely different muscles when you run than you do when you walk.  Is it warped that I kinda like feeling sore?  I mean, at least I know I got a good workout. 

4.  The scale still says 161.5 and it won't budge.  Stupid scale.  My plan is to incorporate more whole foods in while the kids are gone.  Less processed and count my protein.   Instead of focusing on a number, I think I will focus on getting a bit more healthy.  Don't get me wrong, I am still going to weigh EVERY morning.  The scale keeps me in check.  But, overall health is now my focus. 

5.  Yesterday, I had a little accident.  I was unloading the dishwasher and had gotten water on my tile floor.  I didn't see the water and started to slip.  I thought I caught myself but my foot hit another slick spot and down I went.  Not pretty.  My legs actually flew out from under me and I landed on my left hip.  I also hit my left elbow and back of my head.  Honestly, I thought I had broken something.  I couldn't move for around 5 minutes because I knocked the wind out of myself.  Yeah, you can call me Grace.  The kids were flipping out.  Until, I started laughing hysterically. Like a lunatic or hyena.  Hey, if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?  Anyway, I have a huge knot on my hip and the beginning of a rather nasty looking bruise.  My elbow looks the same.  So..........yesterday was my rest day from working out.  Today, may be a swimming day.  Hopefully by Friday, I will feel like walking or lifting weights again.

6.  Did I mention the kids leave in 17 hours?  Oh, I did.  I am not excited or anything.  Nope.  Not me.

7.  Georgia (the 7 yr. old) has been wearing a Harry Potter robe for the last 24 hrs.  Do you think I should be worried?  I may have to get it off her while she is asleep tonight just to wash it.

8.  I really don't want to fix breakfast.  So, I am hiding in my office writing.  Why can't my kids be satisfied with a bowl of Cheerios?  Instead, they want french toast.  I should have gotten them used to cold cereal but since I am the overachieving mom, I have to make them something hot.  My own fault.  Rookie move on my part.

9.  We only have 12 chickens now.  We did have 21, then 18, then 15 and now 12.  It's just a matter of time.  Tick-tock chickens.

10.  My kids are screaming at each other in the next room.  Arguing about the remote.  T minus 16 hours and 40 minutes until their departure.  :)

That is all lovelies!!!! Have a fabulous Thursday.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Just Because I Can

Those of you that have been following my blog for awhile know exactly how I feel about running.

Running..................well, I HATE it.  It is not in my top 10 of favorite ways to exercise.

But, sometimes I just have to prove to myself that I CAN do something. 

So, when my pocket pal, Kim, asked told me that I was going to run today, deep down I wanted to say no.  But I didn't.  What I said was:  Okay, but you don't have to keep up with me.  Run at your own pace.  I don't want to hold you back.  

Because, I would hate to think that anyone (especially a friend) did not get a good workout because I am too slow to keep up.

It was decided that I could fall behind if needed.  Kim could run ahead of me and keep her pace.

We weren't running a marathon.  Just one mile (don't laugh.......you have to start somewhere) at a steady pace.  Then we would walk a mile to cool down.

In my head, I know it is just a mile.  I know that I can do it.  But still, sometimes, that voice gets into my head and says there is no way I can do something.......because I see myself bigger than I really am. 

I really wish that voice would leave me alone.  Let me be.  Let me realize that I am an average size now.  But, even as the voice gets fainter, I can still hear it. 

Will it ever go away?  Probably not.  But, I am learning that I need to prove it wrong.  To prove to myself, that I am capable now.  That I am no longer that 318 lb. woman.

I ran a whole mile right beside my friend.  I did not stop.  I did not need a break.  I did it.  Because I can now.  Because my body is physically capable.  Because I am strong. 

I ran...........JUST BECAUSE I CAN. 

Kim and I before our run. 
And after..............but smiling.  Even though I am sweating like a pig in the Texas heat. 

Monday, June 18, 2012

Motivational Monday

Quit being your biggest obstacle.  Instead, be your biggest rival.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Holy Crap!

Holy crap!  I just fit into a size 8 Lands End jeans.

That's all.  Just wanted to make it public knowledge. 

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

Well, it's finally Thursday.............which means.................Ten Things Thursday brought to us courtesy of Laura at Beer, Dogs and Getting Healthier.

1.  Why could I not have thought of this?
Brilliant right?  Just brilliant.  I want several.  To carry in my purse and ensure I get good seats.

2.  My arms felt like rubber yesterday.  Because I am an overachiever and had to carry and swing the 3 lb. weights around during my 3 mile walk.  It serves me right for not letting the husband beat me during our little race.  Karma can be a real beeetch.

3.  I haven't had a PB in a long time.  That is until last night.  It wasn't even on anything that I truly would have enjoyed either.  Get this.........I got stuck on a prune.  That's right, a prune.  Someone told me to try eating a few a day to keep things moving.  So, I did.  My band no likey prunes.  Totally not worth it.  Next time I will swallow an Ex-Lax.

4.  So far this week the puppy has eaten:  the heel of Kevin's Reebok tennis shoe, a cotton ball (we did manage to get that out of her mouth), several questionable items around the trash can, a grasshopper, and her own tail (which now has a bald patch and looks like a rat tail).

5.  Speaking of rats....................true story.  We saw a RAT in the middle of the highway in front of Wally World the other day.  A RAT.  Not a small field mouse.  It was gigantic.  Seriously.  I shouldn't have been shocked since is was in front of Wal-Mart.  But still, it isn't something you see every day.  Hannah said it looked like something out of an alley in NYC.  It was that big.  It had been hit by a car but was still alive.  I felt really sorry for it.  I am not kidding.  I mean someone needed to put it out of it's misery.  That is what I was saying.  Out loud.  And my girls were saying.......MOM!  It is just a rat.  But that didn't matter to me.  I would want someone to put me out of my misery if I was a rat flopping around on a hot Texas highway.  Thank goodness the large Texas size truck that was beside me didn't see it and took care of the job.  Poor rat.  Poor, poor rat.

6.  I was so excited Tuesday when it starting pouring down rain.  I had bought some Michael Kors rain boots (while in Seattle...because you surely won't find those in Texas) and a Michael Kors rain coat (at a thrift store....unworn too.  SCORE).  My poor friend Jennifer had to listen to my squealing when I found the rain coat and did a happy dance.  You would have thought I had won the lottery the way I was acting.  But it is a Michael Kors and he is my absolute favorite designer.  Anyway, I got to wear them.  It didn't matter to me that it was 72 degrees out and as humid as a sauna.  Oh no.  I just wanted to wear my gorgeous new duds.  Here are pictures:

I LOVE them so much that I might just sleep in them. I know we all got the memo on how much money it would save us to be healthy.  But, what they forgot to tell us is that it is really fun to shop.  It is dangerous that I can walk into any store and find something off the rack.  I may need to invest in a larger closet to accommodate my little shopping habit.  Notice how I didn't say I will quit shopping.  Red flag.  Major Red Flag.

7.  I almost took a sledge hammer to my scale on Monday.  How in the HELL can someone gain 11 lbs. in one day.  That is what it said.  Crazy little devil-box.  I was 161.5 Monday morning and by Monday night...172.5.  GEEZ.  I almost went into cardiac arrest.  Then the next morning, back down to 161.5 and I got a lovely monthly visitor.  Which explains the 11 lbs.  But still....................11 lbs.!!!!!!!  That is

8.  Because it is that time of the month I made Ghiradelli chocolate brownies.  I rarely bake anything.  Probably, because I will eat it.  But, I was really craving some choc-o-latte.  Yummy.  I won't make you look at food porn.  Besides, they are all gone now.  The family lovingly took care of over 3/4 of the pan.  Wasn't it nice of them to eat them for me so I only ate 2?!  They just love it now that I have my band and only need a few bites to be content.  They all want to share with me or split plates when we go out to eat.  Most likely, it is because they know I will only eat a tiny bit before I no longer want what is in front of me.

9.T minus 8 days and counting until the kids go to Bama to stay with their grandparents.  But who's counting?  Not me........................no, not me.

10.  I will leave you with a picture of my fur-babies.  Look at them all snuggled up.  How cute are they?  Even in their sleep they love eachother.  The little one just has to be next to my big girl.  Did you notice the flip-flop behind the baby?  Yeah, that is her favorite chew toy.  Her little puppy brain is probably dreaming of chewing up all our flip-flops.  And my big puppy....look at her tongue hanging out.  So cute!  Can you tell I love my babies?

Well, that is it!  Have a great Thursday!

Workout Wednesday

Last night, I decided the whole Myers clan needed some fresh air and exercise.  So, we loaded up the girls bikes and headed to the hike and bike trail here in town. 

I even brought my 3 lb. hand weights to walk with.  That way I would FOR SURE look like a complete idiot obsessive walker.  You know the type, swinging those arm weights and hips like a fool.  Yeah, that was me. 

I made the hubs join us.  His idea of physical activity is swinging a golf club after riding in a cart.  Nothing that will exert too much of his precious energy.

Anyway, him being the complete techie geek, he had to set some kind of program on his phone to log our speed and distance.  I would have just started walking until I was too tired but he HAD to know exactly the time and distance.  His scientific brain works like that.

Well, off we went.  3 girls on bikes who quickly went ahead of us.  Then me....sashaying my hips and throwing my hand weights around.  Then the hubs, who apparently liked the view of my shaking ass.

We went exactly 1.5 miles then decided to turn around so we could do a 3 mile workout.  I know this because it is clearly marked on the trail (I didn't need any high tech gadget).

The girls again rode out of our sight.  I told them to meet us at the park and not to go any further.

So, the hubs and I are nearing the park where the girls are.  We are about ready to begin walking up a small incline and then they will be able to see us.

He begins to walk super fast.

He is trying to get in front of me.

Is he crazy?

Doesn't he remember how competitive I am?  Our family is no longer allowed to have a family game night.  Game boards have been turned over, tears have been shed, winners do happy dances and say things like:  Haha!  I won.  SUCK IT!  In your face loser! Yeah, we are a lovely bunch to play games with.

Anyway, there is NO WAY I am letting him beat me.  NO. WAY.

He tells me he just wants the girls to see him first.  To know he can beat me.

All of you are saying....oh, you should let him win, right? 

But, you don't actually know that he is playing my emotions.  He is setting me up to go in for the kill.

I say:  Wah-wah.  No way.  You aren't beating me.

And I do the one thing I hate.  I run.  With 3 lb. weights in my hand.  Which isn't easy.

He says:  Oh, so now you are gonna run huh?

Uh, yeah.  Yeah I am.  And I am going to leave behind a trail of dust.  Because I can.  Because I am in really good shape.

He begins to run too.  He thinks he can catch me.

But, I have to slow down because I am struggling with the 3 lb. weights.

And so we both find the girls at the same time.

Rats.  Drats.  Double drats.

There is no moral to this story.  It is just to show you how ridiculous my family is.  We are seriously crazy.  Uber-competitive people.  But, we definitely push each other to try a bit harder.  So that is good, right?

I don't know if the hubs will want to walk again with me.  Probably.  Because he loves a good challenge as much as I do.  But, I better be prepared.  Because next time, he will run like the wind.

Go workout today....after all, it is Workout Wednesday!

Monday, June 11, 2012

Motivational Monday

There will always be nay-sayers.  People who will tell you that you can't accomplish what you have set out to do.  Prove them wrong.

When you feel like reaching for that chip, that candy bar or that fast food, listen carefully......remember their voices.  Prove them wrong.

If you think you can not walk another step, run another lap, dance through another song; when you feel like there is no more of you to give.....remember the people that told you it was not possible.  Prove them wrong.

Prove them ALL wrong.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

Ten Things Thursdays are brought to us by the always lovely Laura at Beer, Dogs and Getting Healthier.

1.  It is good to be home.  But.............I seem to have brought back some Pacific Northwest weather.  It is gray and drizzly and a mere 72 degrees right now.  My hopes of laying by the pool today have evaporated.  At least it is not so hot I can not breathe.  That has to count for something.

2.  Here is a picture of my mom and me the morning we left for our trip.  I will preface this with:  it was 4:30 in the morning.  Yet, we still managed to put on make-up.  That in itself is a miracle.  I can't say the same for the airplane trip back to Texas.   We were scary.  The people on the plane should be glad I brushed my teeth, put on deodorant and combed my hair. 
3.  I didn't gain weight while on my little trip.  THANK YOU JESUS!  Seriously.  Every other vacation before being banded always ended in me hating the scale.  Not this time.  No gain.  In fact, I lost a pound.  I think it was all the seafood.  If I do not see another clam or oyster for a year I won't cry.

4.  Last night being the big 4-0 birthday and all, the hubs took me out to dinner.  When I asked the waitress what the soup of the day was she replied:  clam chowder.  For real?!  I was hoping for some enchilada or taco soup and I get CLAM CHOWDER after spending 5 days in the Pacific Northwest.  No thanks.  I passed on the soup. 

5.  Here is the view on the canal where we stayed:

In the distance you can see my dream vacation home.  It probably only cost a mere 2 million or so.  I can dream.

6.  As we speak, I am making taco soup. Just because I need some Tex-Mex back in my diet.  Plus, with it only being 72 degrees I am freezing.  I know, I know, how sad is that?  That I am cold when it is 72 degrees.  P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C with a capital P.

7.  My kids (with the help of the hubs) built me a gargantuan planter box in my front yard.  Because I feel the need to plant a vegetable garden.  I wonder how long my dream will last since I have a brown thumb.  One time, I killed a spider plant.  You know, the plants that they say anyone can grow because they are so easy to care for.  It lasted a whole month in my care.  Before shriveling up and dying. 

8.  I have a lingering cold.  I think it may be allergies due to the fact that I had my head stuck in the oven at my parents cabin cleaning out the filth from the previous renters.  Let me just say, these people lived like pigs.  I don't know how anyone could think it was okay to treat the house you are renting so terribly.  It has spurred a cleaning streak in me though.  Since returning home my kitchen and laundry room are spotless. My kids are a little sad though that mommy has returned and is insisting on living in a clean organized home.

9.  This week my puppy has ate:  several dirty socks, a pillow, a camera cord, the porch rocking chair (bad, bad puppy!) and a bone larger than her that I gave her in place of another flip-flop.  Good thing she is cute. 

Look at her crazy-eyes.  She is just wondering what kind of trouble she can get into next.

10.  I think I am making today my official exercise skip day for the week.  I lack any motivation to go to the gym and it is too wet outside to walk or swim.  I am putting this in writing because I have to get my lazy butt in gear and work-out tomorrow.  We all need an occasional day off.  I think I still have jet lag and can not function properly yet.

Have a wonderful Thursday!

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

It's Official.............I Am A Middle-Ager.

I arrived back home last night to 95 degree temps.  Welcome back to Texas!  Yesterday morning was 48 degrees, gray and drizzly in Portland when we left.  I guess it is back to reality.

Today I am officially a middle-aged woman.  The big 4-0.  Ouch.   The good thing is I have made it to my goal.  I wanted to be fit by 40.  I can check that off my list.

I will post tons of pictures and an update tomorrow.  Right now I am struggling with jet lag and sweating like a pig from the temp. change.

 Oh, and I am on my 6th cup of strong Seattle coffee that I smuggled back in my carry-on.  I am going to have to do a caffeine detox as sipping warm coffee is not a pleasant experience here in the heat.

It is good to be home.