Motivational Monday

Well, sleep won out over the 4:30 alarm this morning.  Sadly, that meant no boot camp for me. 

So, on to plan B.  There must always be a back up plan!

I am taking the kiddos to the pool shortly where I will swim like a maniac.  Burning a ton of unwanted calories. :)  Then later tonight I am making my oldest daughter do some gym time with me.

That's the plan.

Always have a plan B!

Anyways, I feel the need for a good laugh this morning...so here you go:

Too bad my ass looks like that :(  Can you say butt lift?!

Happy Monday....if you missed your plan A workout then make a plan B!!!!

T Squared = Ten Things Thursday

Another round of the randomness that is Ten Things Thursday.  Created by the lovely Laura at Beer, Dogs and Getting Healthier.  Let the randomness begin.

1.  You asked for it.  So here it is.  A video brought to you from the Myers family studios.  I shall call it:  Alpha Chicken.

****Disclaimer*****
No puppies were harmed in the making of this film. 

How freaking hilarious is that?  That chicken is MEAN.  Like seriously evil.  It even chases me.  It better watch out.  Sleep with one eye open chicken.  You've been warned.

2.   Here is another fun fact about chickens.  They are cannibals.  Yep.  If they sense illness or weakness in another chicken they peck it to death and eat it.  Just one more strike against you little chickens.

Do you think the chickens think:  Dang!  That Charley chicken was finger lickin' good.

3.  How hot is it where you are?  It is like 115 degrees in the shade here. 

4.  For all you Magic Mike lovers..........I give you the original.

I saw this posted on a FB friends wall and I almost wet my pants laughing.  It is like the best SNL sketch EVER.  Too funny.

5.  Speaking of FB...what is with all the pathetic status updates lately?  Does anyone else agree?  Just recently I saw a post on someones wall about:  No one likes me.  I have no friends.  None at all.  Please comment if you are my friend...please.  Then a few days later the same person posted:  Everyone on here is a##holes!  Does anyone else feel this way?  Ummmmm.....No! What we agree on is that you need bipolar meds and therapy.  Seriously people, think before you post on a public forum.  I think it may be time to clean some FB house.

6.  If I was driving down the road and I stopped at a red light behind this truck.............I think I would poop my pants. 

That's not funny.  At. All.  Do not bring on the clowns.

7.  The other day in the Wally World we were walking down the beverage aisle.  Okay, it was the adult beverage aisle.  I picked up a bottle of wine for dinner and my middle child said:  Great, just great!  We have finally drove mom to drink!  Sometimes my kids crack me up.  They are like built in entertainment.

8.  I am thinking it is only an 8 thing kinda day.  I am sure I have given you more randomness that you can handle.

Hasta la vista dahhhhlllllings!!!!

A Slight Unfill Does A Body Good

Ever since my last appointment with my surgeon (at my one year bandiversary) my band has been a bit on the snug side.  That day he added .25 cc's which took me to 6.25 cc's.  I thought I wanted it.  I am the one who asked for .25 when I knew in my mind .1 would have been perfect.

Ever since, it has been very hard to eat whole foods.  Water sometimes sits above my band for a minute or two before dropping.  I have had several episodes of night coughing.

I have literally tweaked EVERYTHING.  From splitting my pills to cutting off all food and drink after 7 p.m. (which is not a bad thing since I am a night eater).

But, last Friday, my band actually clamped shut.  Tight.  Even water was a bit difficult to get down.

We were at the pool when it happened and it was like 115 degrees (not really but it felt that way).  Anyway,  all of a sudden I felt my band get super tight.  Then I felt like I was going to be sick.

I HATE to feel nauseous.  There is nothing worse.  Then the last few nights I have had major coughing attacks in the middle of the night.  I do not PB during the day.  This is mainly a night issue.  But, it was cutting into my precious sleep and anyway, who wants to feel like that?  Not me.  I didn't get banded to live off protein shakes and yogurt.  No thanks.  Not happening.

So.............

Today my surgeon took out .125 cc's.  A tiny amount really.  I had 6.25 cc's in a 10 cc band.  Now, I have 6.1 cc.  And you know what?  I felt instantly better.

The moral of this story is this:  You know your band and how you like it to feel.  Do not hesitate to have some taken out if necessary.  It is definitely not worth coughing up acid at night to lose 5 lbs. 

I am enjoying a cup of coffee as I type.  It is heavenly (even coffee was giving me fits). 

Only you know how your band feels.  Your body...Your band.  Keep your tool at a level that works for you. 

Motivational Monday....Late Edition

This morning I did not want to get up.  The 4:30 alarm that signals I must get moving to make it to boot camp by 5:30 a.m. came way too quick.

I really thought about bashing the alarm in with a baseball bat.  Or hitting snooze a few times.  Or just ignoring it completely.  My bed was really comfy. 

Then I told myself:  You will only regret NOT going.  Once you get there it will be fine.  It counts the most when you DON'T want to go.  Now suck it up.

So, I got up. 

And did it. 

And you know what?  I was right..............I don't regret going.  I would have regretted not going.  I would have been really upset with myself for skipping because I did not get this far to get lazy now.  This is when it counts the most. 

You Have To Fight

One of the hardest parts of my journey has been coming to terms with the years that I "checked out" emotionally.

That is what happens when you suffer from overwhelming and debilitating depression.  You check out. 

You check out of life.  You aren't willing to do anything other than breathe.  Breathe and try to survive.

That is how my life was for 6 years.

I just went through the motions.  Trying to will myself to want to live.  And that was even on anti-depressants and with counseling.

It was hard to even brush my teeth, get out of bed, get dressed and take care of my kids.

I slept walked through my own life.

Just getting by on what I had to do.  Never doing more.

I remember some days staying in my pajamas until I had to go pick the girls up from school.  Then I would quickly change and comb my hair to make them think mommy had done something while they were gone.

I will tell you, it is amazing that I survived those years.  Because deep down, I was praying that God would just kill me and make the pain go away.

What haunts me now is not the depression as much as the thought that my family had to sit by and watch as I slowly tried to pull myself out of the fog.  That I opted out of my children's lives whenever I could.

Not too long ago, a friend and I went walking.  I love walking with her.  It is like a mini therapy session with someone you love.  Somehow, the topic turned to the dark years as I fondly call them now.

I told her that I had prayed I would not make it.  How I just wanted to be done with all the pain I was feeling.

But, how now I hope my girls see how strong I have become.  That they will remember the mom that exists right now.  Because, I wouldn't change any of my past now.  It has made me a better person.  A more compassionate human being.  More loving.  Stronger.

That is what I want my girls to think of me now.  Strong.  Capable.

She ensured me, that the girls would be fine.  Kids are resilient that way.  That she never knew just how much I was hurting (although, she had an idea) because I kept it to myself.

I told her that like so many others that have faced their mortality (from my stroke and depression), somewhere in my mind is the memory of just how fragile life is.

That if heaven forbid, something were to happen to me tomorrow, I want my kids to know that I will fight with every breath I have to remain here with them.

That is the most valuable gift a parent can give a child.  The security of knowing your parent not only loves you, but makes their health a priority to ensure they will be around for a long time.

The peace of mind, that I have given my girls is priceless.

When I got home this morning from boot camp my 10 year old was waiting on the couch for me.  She is the one that took all my illnesses the hardest.  The one that still deep down has fears of my departure.

But this morning when I asked her what she was doing up at the crack of dawn, she replied:  "I am proud of you mom.  You are strong."

Those are words I will carry around in my heart and hold precious.  I am strong.  I am strong because my girls have given me the strength to become a fighter.

Because of them I have a new found strength that I thought I did not have in me.

I Am FINALLY Calling It

I have procrastinated long enough.

Thinking perhaps the scale will go down a bit more.  You can scratch that barring a stomach virus that may take me to the 150's,  where I will linger for a day until I get hydrated again.

I am in my happy place.  Right here at 161-165.  That is where the scale is every morning.  It has been like this for the last 3 months.  At first, I wanted to deny it,  but why?  Why would I put so much stock in a number?  Especially, when I am at my healthiest adult weight ever.

Yesterday, Vicky and I were e-mailing back and forth.  We were discussing scale numbers.  And as we were talking, I suddenly realized why it has been bothering me to call "maintenance". 

I have NEVER been here.

Never taken a stroll down Maintenance Lane.  EVER.

Even as a teenager and young adult I was constantly battling keeping the number on the scale from going up.  My whole life has been a diet.  I have never experienced maintenance.  It is very uncharted water for me.

And, I don't like change.  I am comfortable in Diet Land.  It is something I am good at.  Losing.  Keeping weight off has always been a battle. 

Maintenance makes me uneasy.

All the questions that spin through my head.....

Will I be able to keep this weight?  How many calories should I focus on?  How many hours of exercise do I need to put in?  What will my "freak out' number on the scale be?  Will I be successful? What's my plan?  Where do I go from here?

Then I told myself:

JUST BREATHE.  JUST ENJOY THIS.  YOU HAVE EARNED THIS.  YOU GOT THIS.

I have done the work.  I have changed my lifestyle.  I know portion sizes.  I know the vegetable to carb ratio that needs to be on my plate.  I could quote you the protein and calories of most foods in my sleep.  I have worked with the head issues that come with weight loss.  I know that being active is key for me.

So, today I am calling it.

Maintenance.

I am joining the others on the bench that have come before me. 

15 months and 155 lbs. lost...................maintenance begins.

Time to Get Real

If you don't read anything else today, read Ronnie's post. 

It is time to get real!!!!

Motivational Monday

Do you like yourself?

I am not talking about liking your physical self.  I am talking about liking who you are as a person.

For years I hated myself.  I didn't want to be alone with myself.  That would have meant I had to deal with all the things I hated about me.

But, this past year and a half has completely shifted my thinking.

I don't mind being alone anymore.

Why?

Because I actually like me.  I would want to be my friend if I had just met myself.  The hubs jokes that I am quite smitten with myself.  Maybe he is right.  I sure deserve that after all the years I spent fighting myself internally.

What do I like?  Well....................

I am funny.  I am strong.  I am determined.  I am loyal.  I am trustworthy.  I am smart.  I have really good hair and I kinda like my nose. There are so many things that I could name that I truly like about me.

Are there still things I don't like?  Yeah.  There are.  Probably always will be.  But the good now outweighs the bad.

That baffles my mind.  The thought that I actually like me now.

Along this weight loss journey there will come a time when you have to deal with all the emotional mumbo-jumbo that is spinning inside your head. There is no way around it. 

So today I ask you:  Do you like being you?

If the answer is still no, then figure out how you can get to a point that you want to be with the most important person you know..........you.  You are worth knowing.

Have a fantastic Monday!

Another Round Of Ten Things Thursday

Is it Thursday again?  I guess so.  Which can only mean:

Ten Things Thursday, brought to us by Laura at Beer, Dogs and Getting Healthier.

1.  I am already tired of hearing/reading about this TomKat split.  I really don't care.  Seriously.  And that he didn't see this coming?  PLLLLEEEEAAAASE.  I saw this coming when he jumped like a moron on Oprah's couch and confessed his love.  Even a blind man could see this coming.  Quit your whining and grow a pair Tom. Oh, and P.S.  Get your checkbook ready because you are about to write Katie a big fat check.  And P.P.S.  I'd like to see you give birth and squeeze a watermelon out of your manhood and not make a sound.  IDIOT!

2.  Yesterday, I went to boot camp at the crack of dawn (actually before).  5:30 to be exact.  And had a completely insane day.  Between boot camp, VBS, swimming and a VBS party, we finally made it home at 8:30 last night.  I had been home maybe a few hours during the middle of the day.  Maybe.  I was telling a friend that there was NO WAY I could have been this active 2 years ago.  Oh how life has changed.  Living is good.

3.  My car looks like a rolling trash can.  Probably because for the last 4 days we have basically been living in it.  I am afraid to open doors because crap may fly out and hurt someone.  It is so bad that it will take a shovel to get trash out.  Lucky for my kids I believe in child labor.  I will supervise while lounging in a lawn chair with a nice glass of wine tonight.

4.  We have an attack chicken.  Since the hubs believes in letting the chickens roam around "free range" (in other words, he is being to lazy to built a chicken coup), there is a hen that chases the puppy around.  Hysterical.  If you could only see the puppies eyes bug out.   Yesterday, the puppy actually was chasing the chicken and by the time they rounded the corner of the house, the chicken was chasing the puppy.  It's like a reality show of a Looney Toons episode.

5. I am going to make my kids nap today.  For my sanity.  We are all going to have "quiet time" for at least an hour.  I need it....bad.....or mommy may go psycho and be on the six o'clock news. 

6.  My kids want me to make fried chicken.  I don't even know how to make that.  Can't I just go to KFC?  I don't eat fried chicken so, I never cook it.  What do I look like?  A chef?  A colonel with a white beard and skinny black tie?  Believe me, they don't want me making them fried chicken.  It would be a catastrophe. We would all be praying to the porcelain god to give us sweet, sweet release from the poison that I fed them.

7. My intention was to get up this morning and go to the gym.  Blah!  The gym.  I hate the gym.  Well, that didn't happen.  Then my intention was to go run tonight with a friend.  Again, that ain't happening folks.  This getting up early every morning at the crack of dawn has caught up with me.  But, I WILL get up tomorrow and go to boot camp.  Even if on the way home I have to stop at 'Bucks and get me a quadruple latte.

8.  At VBS this week they have a "snack" room.  Or as I like to call it......Satan's den.  Yep, two long tables of temptation that can throw off all my hard work for the week.  What little old lady is staying up late at night just to cook these wonderful lard-laced goodies?  No wonder I can't stay away from the Hersey kiss cookies?????  They are pure heaven.  Heaven (in my mind) is a wonderful place filled with cookie houses.  Cookies make everything better.  Dontcha think?

9.  There is a theme to my day:  COOKIES.  My daughter just baked some and is trying to be a cookie pusher.  They so know how to tempt me. 

10. 

Happy Cookies, I mean Thursday, everyone!!!!

Workout Wednesday..........That Little Voice In Your Head

That little voice tormented me for years.

You can't do that you're to............fat, huge, ugly, worthless, chunky, have bad knees, had a stroke, to old.

You know the voice.  That irritating little thing that makes you assume that you can't even try something because you will fail.

But how do you know you will fail? Especially if you never try.

I listened to that voice.  I followed that voice.  I built a nice cozy little home in my head for that voice and invited it to take residence.  That voice made me feel bad about myself.  Loathe myself.  Have such bitter disdain for myself.

Well, this morning, I got to tell the voice it is a LIAR.

I did something that I thought I NEVER would do.  EVER.

I went to boot camp.

Yep.

Boot camp.  At 5:30 in the morning. 

And I enjoyed it (GASP).  Seriously (it may be all the endorphins that are pumping through my body right now that are talking).

I felt empowered, capable and strong.  Me.....strong?!  Who would have thought?!  I would have told you to shut your mouth if you had said I would have enjoyed a boot camp a year ago.

I am feeling very accomplished right now.  Probably because I am NOT a morning person and getting up at the crack of dawn is still new and exciting to me.

Anyway, go out there today and tell that voice that is a LIAR.

Just do what you are physically capable of.  Whether it is walking around the block, running, strength training, swimming, taking a class....etc.

Just prove to yourself you are capable of doing great things. 

Then, call the voice a liar and kick it out of your head for good!

Happy Workout Wednesday!

Because We All Deserve A Good Laugh

After seeing this on a friends FB page, I actually laughed so hard water came out my nose.

Seriously, who comes up with this?  I want to meet them.  Funny stuff folks.  Funny. Stuff.

So.............

Without further ado...........

I present..........

Real Life Barbie and Ken.

They share a cluttered bathroom and Ken wonders if he will ever see their counter again.   Barbie is wondering if Ken's mom ever taught him to pick up anything  and if he would for once just put his crap away.

Now, if only Barbie had her cell phone instead of a magazine.  Or Ken had a beer belly and Barbie was a little fuller figured.

Poor Ken, he is wondering when the mysteries of their co-habitation fizzled.

Happy Tuesday!!!

Motivational Monday

At the beginning of my journey, I made one promise to myself:  NO EXCUSES.

No excuses ever.

I quit lying to myself.  Pretending I didn't eat my way to 318 lbs.  Pretending that I exercised.  Pretending and hiding.  I was really good at that.

But then my band gave me hope.  It didn't do the work for me but for the first time I could keep off that 30 pounds at the beginning of a diet.  So with that hope came change.

Change and NO EXCUSES.

Because now, there is no reason for me not to be active.  I am quite cable.  I am also quite capable of eating right 90% of the time.

Do I slip up?

Yes.

Because I am human.  But, I don't make excuses when I do anymore.  I just shake it off and try harder the next time.

Repeat after me:  NO EXCUSES, NO EXCUSES, NO EXCUSES.

You got this.  You can do it.  Forget the stumbles that you have encountered along the way and focus on the overall prize.

The prize is a healthy life.  Full of living.  It is definitely worth it.

TTT

Ten Things Thursday is brought to us by the witty Laura at Beer, Dogs and Getting Healthier.  If you haven't been to her blog then RUN not walk on over there and find out why I find her so amusing.

1.  I saw a 159.9 on the scale the other day.  I also saw 175, 170, 165 and 161.5.  Salt is not my friend.  How can someone go from 161.5 to 175 in a day?  Salt. 

2.  We are going to pick up the rug-rats today.  I wonder if they will be happy to be home.  While they were gone I redecorated my 7 yr. olds bedroom (actually, she has never had to own room but now she does).  I can't wait to see her little face light up.
3.  In my attempt at eating whole foods and less processed packaged junk, I consumed some fresh fruit on Tuesday.  A fresh plum to be exact.  Which got stuck.  Not the easy to get out stuck either.  The elephant on my chest, up all night, stick my finger down my throat to try to relieve the pressure stuck.  NOT GOOD FOLKS.  After about 24 hours I at least feel a little normal and consumed an egg instead of liquids.  See what happens when I try to be good?  STUCK.  On a plum.  At least, it could have been something like chocolate cake.  Fickle, fickle band.

4.  I need a boobie job.  It is seriously bugging me that I have to LIFT the sisters up and set them in the bra cups.  They look like two socks stuffed with tennis balls.

Yep, thats my tatas.  Nuff said.

5.  It's like 150 degrees here.  Not really but it feels that way.

6.  Have you ever had someone say something like this to you:

I have.  Well, they said:  I didn't know you were this nice.  Which is a fancy way to say:  I really thought you were a big bitch.  How shocking that you aren't. 


7.  I am behind on my laundry duties.  Probably due to the fact that I am allergic to housework.  It actually is my least favorite thing to do.

Or maybe I just come from a long line of slobby pigs.  It could be either one.

8.  I scheduled to have family photos August 6th.  We haven't had family pictures taken in like 8 years.  Probably because I didn't want to look at myself in the pictures.  Maybe this will light a fire under me to lose these last 5 lbs. or so that are hanging on.

9.  My dogs make good little foot warmers.  They are lying on top of my feet as I write.  Snoring.  It must be nice to be a dog in my house.  They do ABSOLUTELY nothing.  No watch dogs here.  No chasing anything other that the kibble in their bowls that sometimes escapes.  They have the life. 

10.  That is all folks.....it feels like a nine things kind of day.

Motivational Monday...........Are You Too Comfortable?

Here is my question:  Are you too comfortable?  Have you hit a weight that you have been before?  A weight that you are comfortable at.  Too comfortable.  A place that you could stay and hang out  forever because you have been here before.  So it feels like your norm. 

My comfort zone was between the weights of 190-225 lbs.  I had been here for most of my adult life.  My adult friends knew this me.  They thought I looked like myself again.  I was comfortable to them and to myself again.

I could have ultimately hung out at this weight forever.  Really.  It felt right.  Bouncing between a size 14 and 18W would have been easy for me.  No one would have thought any less of me.  Actually, some people probably would have been more comfortable, since that is the way they have always known me.

But, I wanted more.

I didn't have WLS to remain at a weight that I have been before.  One that is still in the overweight catagory and not healthy.

So I pushed forward.  Mainly through exercise.

And I have landed at 161.  Believe me when I say, I KNOW I have to work to keep that weight on the scale from moving up.  I have to eat right 90% of the time and exercise like a fool.  But that is okay.  I can live with that.  But I will never be truly comfortable here.  I will always have to remain vigilant about my weight. 

So there lies the question for all of you:  are you too comfortable right now?  Maybe you need to keep better track of what you eat,  exercise more or change up the routine, drink more water, etc.  You may need to shake things up a bit so you aren't so comfortable anymore.

Change is never comfortable.  NEVER.  Especially, if you are like me and resist any form of change.  Is it necessary?  Yes.  Great things come through change.

Think about it.  Then find a way to shake things up.