A Weekend Bullet Style

So much to catch up on that I am doing it bullet style (pronounced BULL-A......it just sounds fancy like that).

• Thursday I spent all day passing out cookie dough.  If I never see another box of cookie dough it won't make me sad.  At the end of Thursday pickup we still had 2 standing  freezers full!  Needless to say,  I spent Friday organizing and hanging around the school so people could pick up their orders.  I even got to deal with irritated people whose orders were not right.  Remind me again why I accepted the PTO president job....oh yeah, because I am CrAzY in the head!

• This weekend was a bust.  TOM showed up and lovingly gave me massive cramps and put a kink in any fun I wanted to have.  It was gorgeous outside so I did walk though.  Slowly.  So I wouldn't pass out from the waves of cramping.  It is lovely being a woman.  Natures curse. 
• Yesterday I went to Sam's and loaded up my van with water and snacks for the school to have during testing this week.  20 HUGE cases of water and about 30 boxes of snacks in bulk.  I loaded them (by myself) onto the flatbed in the store, then into my car.  Then out of my car into the school, divided them up and delivered them to each class.  When I was done, I was sweating like a pig.  A day long workout.  I thought the scale would be nice to me this morning.  I was wrong.  I guess TOM didn't want to cooperate.
• My sister is coming next week for Easter.  She has not seen me since I lost about 40 more pounds. 
• People are starting to roll their eyes at me and ask if I am still losing weight. The answer is yes, yes I am.  Get over it. 
• I had 2 people tell me I look younger.  One said I looked like I had a face-lift.  The other said I look 20 years younger (kind of an exaggeration but it is still nice).  Extra weight sure does age people.  I guess when you are tired all the time you just look old.  I always thought the more collagen and fat you have the more it fills in the wrinkles.  I am finding this is not true.  I guess when you have more energy and look healthier you look younger.  It is a nice NSV.
• Hannah told me I had bingo arms.  You know, like the little old ladies with saggy arm skin when they are waving their arms and yelling BINGO!  Bleck.  Bingo arms.  Bleck again.
• I have decided that next week on my bandiversary (hard to believe it has been a year) I am going to donate pet food to a local no kill shelter in the amount of weight I have lost.  My take on paying it forward.  Once when Ming was lost someone found her and turned her in to them.  They are a non-profit and need donations very badly.  It is my way to say thanks for bringing my fur baby home.
• Speaking of bandiversaries mine is next week.  I have been very reflective this week.  It is a lot to take in.  My life has completely changed in a year. 

I gots nussin else folks.  This chicky is kinda tired.  Have a magnificent day.  As I told Hannah this morning as she was exiting my car (she has a HUGE test today).....May The Force Be With You!

Ten Things Thursday (Early Edition)

It's Thursday......................

Which means.....................

Ten Things Thursday, brought to us by the lovely Laura at Beer, Dogs and Getting Healthier.

1. My middle child stayed home from school yesterday with a fever, aches, sore throat and stuffy nose.  Poor thing.  She didn't feel well.  Basically, she layed on the couch and watched movie after movie.  It kinda threw my day for a loop having someone at home.  No gym time for me.  But, I have been doing the 30 Day Shred DVD at home so I didn't have to miss that!   I guess it is good to be flexible. 
2. I have been looking for some dark denim jeans.  There is a definate difference between good quality sizing and the sizing of mass merchandised garmets.  I tried on a pair of designer jeans and a 10 was too big.  You would think this would make me happy right?  It didn't.  Because they are falsey labeling to sell more product.  That just makes me mad.  I don't wear an 8 yet.  I don't weigh anywhere near a size 8.  Stupid designers.  I know....I should have bought the blasted jeans and enjoyed the 8.  I just couldn't.  It's just the principle of it. 
3. I found this on Pinterest.  I thought it was a good reason to workout.  Who wants to be an easy target right?  It doesn't matter that I haven't read the book yet.  Survival is a good reason to sweat folks.

4.  Today is cookie dough pickup at our school.  Lucky for me I am in charge.  < Insert Sarcasm Here>  I get to help people pick up $15,000 in cookie dough.  That should make for a fun filled day.  I am just going to keep reminding myself that it is a good workout to load and unload all that cookie dough.  Plus, none is coming home with me.  Nope.  Not even one box.  I resisted.  That is sheer willpower.  Or lack of money.  It is a toss up.
5. I am on day 4 of Jillian's 30 Day Shred.  That's all I can type because I can't lift my arms up.  Seriously, that woman can make me sweat like I have been at the gym for hours in just 20 minutes.  I am hoping to do some major toning on my jiggly areas.
6.  I have a serious love affair with peanut butter.  It is my favorite food.  I will eat it on anything.  If left alone with a jar I will use a spoon to have what I call "peanut butter licks".  I coined that term around age 10.  I have been in search of something healthier. 
I found this:

Super yummy.  And I am really picky.  Almost zero sodium.  Which for me is a big deal.  I just look at salt and swell.  So, every moring I have been enjoying a tablespoon on my whole wheat sandwich thins.  I love, love, love this stuff!  I am happily introducing it into my diet.  It takes away my peanut butter craving but with less saturated fat and sodium.  It's a win win for me!  I think I may try it in a protein shake. 
7.   My daughter made a face at me while working out my abs.  She said she could see my ribs.  It grossed her out.  I was just so excited to see that my bones were actually present.  I guess I thought all my fat had just sucked them away.  Awwww.........ribs.  I puffy heart your reappearance.
8.  My van looks like I went mud riding.  It poured down rain Monday and our country driveway turned into a red mud lake.  Did you ever go mud riding just for kicks in high school?  I did.  One time I got my parents Suburban stuck.  Fun times right there.  You should try to have people push a Suburban out of red clay mud.  They will not be your friends after the task is done. 
9.  Why do I get stuck behind all the idiots that can't count how many items they REALLY have.  I swear the Wally World here is filled with people who can't count.  Maybe they need this sign:

10.  Peace out!!!   Have a fantastic and magical Thursday.  Go get your sweat on!

I've Got Mad Ninja Skills

So I did it.

I went to kick boxing.

I drug my little pocket pal (she is 5 ft. and 100 lbs. soaking wet)  Kim.  Probably not happily, but she went.  That is what good friends do.  Good friends will endure physical pain....just cause you asked them too. 

I was just sure that the boxing instructor would tell me I had natural boxing skills.  That I should be in the ring.  You know, make it a second career.  Me, the next Layla Ali. 

He didn't.

But he did laugh.  A lot.

I am glad I can laugh at myself or I would have been offended.

Did I mention this was at a real boxing gym?  Not some pansy posh gym. 

It reeked of sweat and dirty feet.  Blood and tears.  At least the dirty feet part.  And sweat.  Lots of sweat.

There was even a boxing ring in the corner.  Punching bags along the wall.  Jump ropes and gloves.  It was the real deal. 

It scared me.

The instructor was the x-boxer type.  He had guns (on his arms) and a little of a beer belly.   So how bad could a guy with a beer belly be right?  Uh, bad....really bad.

He said we were concentrating on legs.

Lucky for me, I walk everyday.  I do hills.  I am the cardio queen.  I can handle this.  That is what I thought.

We started with tons of lunges, squats and kicks.

I looked over at Kim.

She told me she was Bruce Lee.  She was doing her best impression.

We were laughing and having a great time.  Cutting up and doing Karate Kid bird impressions with our mad ninja kicks.

Fun times.

Then the mood dramatically changed.

We had to go back to our taped lines on the floor.

And the fun began.

We worked on intense kicks, squats and footwork.

Shuffles and food changes.  Kicking the same leg for what seemed like hours.  Except is was minutes.  I think my legs went numb.

I looked over at my pocket pal.  She didn't look happy anymore.  I think I blacked out.

I began hallucinating and talking to myself.

Dear God in heaven,
If I die, please make it quick.
Amen.

I guess I said it out loud because the instructor said:

You won't die.
You will pass out before you actually die.

Gee, how reassuring.

I said:

I hope you know how to resuscitate a dead person.

He just laughed.

He thought I was kidding.

After an hour and 15 minutes of torture we were dismissed.  My legs felt like jello.

And for the next 3 days I couldn't walk or sit without crying.

I guess I got my $5 worth.

Kim texted me the next day and said an old lady with a walker had lapped her at the Wally World.

I can finally walk upright again.  I hope my friend can too.

You would think that would be the end to the kick boxing.  But, I kinda liked the torture.  I'm kinda crazy like that.

So I think I will go back.

But, I think it may be by myself.  Kim no likey kick boxing!

We are smiling now and acting all tough because our legs are numb!

Ten Things Thursday

Ten Things Thursday....................brought to us by the lovely Laura at Beer, Dogs and Getting Healthier.

Drum Roll Please........................

1. I went to kick boxing last night.  That is all I am going to say because I plan to write a whole post dedicated to it.  It was funny.............very funny!
2. Why is my dog staring at me while I am on the computer?  She is jealous because I am showing the computer more love than her.  Jealous.  She is a super jealous little thing.  But I love her anyway.
3. I had Chinese for dinner. My absolute favorite.  But, the restaurant must have laced it with an insane amount of MSG.  Now my feet are tingly.  I am so salt sensitive.  I would bet money the scale will be evil in the morning.  Stupid salt.  Stupid scale.
4. My youngest daughter puts her little arms around my waist now and squeals, "Wow!  I can hug all the way around you."  That just makes me smile.
5. I tricked my mom.  2 of my kids spent the night with her.  Actually, it was her idea.  SUCKER!!!  She will be cursing me about 10:00 tonight when they won't be quiet.  As I sped out of her driveway I yelled, "No takesy backseys!" 
6. I also suckered my mom because my middle child wanted a be-dazzeler.  So we went to the Wally World and bought it and extra blingy beads and canvas bags.  The deal was she couldn't open it until she got to my mom's house.  Have fun Nana!
7. I am so sad (and a lot happy) because my favorite Under Amour capris are falling off.  Literally.  I was distracted on the dreadmill because I had to pull them up every few minutes.  The guy next to me was hoping he would get a show.  Sorry dude, you averted seeing the elephant skin tummy.
8. Tomorrow I am going thrifting with my mom.  Hopefully she won't be too mad at me since I stuck her with the kids.
9. Last night, my kids were in my bedroom watching River Monsters and Searching For Bigfoot.  Quality entertainment right there folks.  Very quality.
10. I bought a medium size shirt today.  I thought there was no way it was going to fit.  But it did.  I think the last medium shirt I bought was in college.  That was a million years ago. 

That is all!  Hope you had a fantastic Thursday!

Workout Wednesday

I am going to try something new tonight.  It has been years since I have taken a kickboxing class.  But, it used to be my favorite.  And since now I have skinnied up I am going to try it again.

The class is not some fun cardio class at the local gym full of cute little women that want to get their sweat on.  It is the real deal.  It is at a boxing gym.  You get to wear gloves and everything.  The instructor is a hard core boxer.

I am not going to lie.................I am scared.  Not of the physical aspect of a new workout.  It is the mental part that I find hard to cope with.  The walking into a new class.  Finding just the right place to stand.  Meeting new people. 

It is totally out of my comfort zone.

But I am going.

Because I need to prove that I really am strong.

I need to prove to myself that I can do this.  So I can feel empowered. 

So, send warm fuzzy thoughts my way today.  I need all the good vibes I can get.

Quite Possibly The BEST Quote EVER!

I just absolutely love this.  It is one of the best quotes I have seen in a long time.  Let's face it ladies.........there is nothing lucky about our weight loss journeys.  It is a long, hard never ending battle.  But, it will make us the strongest women we can possibly be!  That in itself will make this journey worth it.

My Secret

I have had a lot of people e-mailing me lately.  They want to know the secret to losing weight.  The secret is.......there is no secret.  You have to want it.  You have to want it bad.  You have to be ready.  Emotionally ready.

 I had finally hit the desperate spot.  The spot when you know either you change your ways or you will die fat.  Fat and sad. Fat and perhaps alone.  You know at that point, it is do or die.  That is what motivated me. I didn't want to die.  I didn't want to be sad anymore.

It started 6 years ago. It will be 6 years exactly on April 24th.

Something out of my control happened.  I had a vertebral artery dissection.  The main artery in the back of my neck dissected.  It caused me to have a stroke.

This was nothing hereditary.  Nothing I did.  It was a traumatic injury.  Could it have been prevented?  Perhaps.  But that is beside the point now.  It did happen.  It changed everything.

People who have vertebral artery dissections usually don't survive.  Those that do are usually in what is called a "locked-in syndrome".  They are the same in every mental capacity but they can not communicate or use any of their body. 

But I did survive.  Very miraculously.

They said it would take me months, even years to walk again.  It took me 3 weeks. 

They told me there was a slim chance I would be able to drive my oldest daughter to the first day of Kindergarten.  I did.  I drove her to school.  By myself.  Because I needed to prove them wrong.

I still have some numbness on my left side.  I have neurological pain on my right side.  I can't feel any temperature on my right side.  My left eye goes blurry and I tend to forget words when I am tired.

But, if you look at me.  You would NEVER know that something so traumatic had ever occurred to me.  Only my close friends and family could EVER see any difference.

I don't tell most people.  I don't want anyone ever looking at me differently.

But that is what makes me different.

It makes me a survivor.

It makes me want this all the more.

I didn't always feel this way.  It took years to get to this point.

You see, when my VAD occurred, I weighed around 215 lbs.  Was I skinny?  No.  But, I was a size 16 at the time and very in shape. 

And when I did survive people told me how lucky I was.  I knew I was.  Not lucky.  Just meant to be here.  To do something with my life. 

You go through all the stages of grief when something traumatic occurs.

I went through denial.  It couldn't have happened to me.  No way.  Something like this doesn't happen to someone like me. 

The anger.  Mad at the reason it occurred. Mad at my family.  Mad at my friends.  Mad at myself.  Mad at God.  Just pissed off in general. 

Bargaining.  Please God.  Please just make me the same as I was before.........I will do anything you want. 

The overwhelming depression.  Filled with so much grief I didn't even want to live anymore.  I just ate to numb the pain.  I was breathing but not living.

And during the depression state, I gained 100 lbs.  100 lbs!!!  And that just made the depression worse.  Because now, look at me.  I was disgusted with myself.  318 lbs.  I was filled with self hate.  I didn't care.  I didn't care about myself.  My girls would be better off without me.  Everyone would be better off if I wasn't here.  That is what I thought.  I truly believed I would be better off dead. 

And then something happened.....................

My husband came home from work (he is the IT director at the hospital) and said they were going to start doing Lap-band.  He asked if I wanted to meet with the surgeon.

And just like that I had hope again.

From a tiny piece of plastic I found hope.  I found my will to fight again.  I found my will to LIVE again.

So, when people ask how I have done this.  When they want to know my secret, I tell them this:

The secret is:I am the secret.  It is my determination that has made me successful.

I am not going to waste this gift I have been given.  I wasted too much time after my stroke.  This time I am fighting for my life because my life is worth saving.

Ten Things Thursday

Ten Things Thursday brought to us by the lovely Laura at Beer, Dogs and Getting Healthier. 

1.  Do any other bandsters feel like they can predict the weather?  Last night about 5 p.m. a front moved in and all of a sudden it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest.  Even water was going down slowly.  I have become a human barometer!

2.  Tuesday I learned the difference between PBing and actual vomiting.  I don't PB that often but when I do I am a pro at it.  Tuesday morning I actually threw up.  Repeatedly.  It is a strange feeling when things try to come back up.  Let me just say, the band was designed with the opposite purpose.  When and if you ever throw up you will know what I mean.  Things just don't want to go back up through the band.  Vomiting was a major event.  When I first was banded, I was paranoid about getting sick  to my stomach.  I was just sure it was going to damage my band.  I survived.  Barely.  But I did.  Chalk that up to another banded milestone.

3.  It is strange to think back to this time last year.  I was 300+ pounds.  I was beginning my pre-op diet.  I did not have a clue how much my life would change.  Wow.  Just. Wow. 

4.  Lily has her last basketball tournament this weekend.  She plays Thursday,  Friday and all day Saturday.  Let the basketball-palooza begin.  Last year at ball games, I sat on the bottom bleacher.  NOT BY CHOICE....BUT, BECAUSE I WAS TOO FAT TO WALK UP THE STAIRS.  Huge NSV that I can sit anywhere.  HUGE NSV.  I feel like a normal parent.  I don't look around to see if I am the biggest person in the stands.  My kids do not have to be embarrassed to have the fat mom (and I do not have to be embarrassed to be the fat mom).  I don't shy away from events because of my weight.  I get to participate in all my kids activities.  Because I can.  Because I am in good health.

5.  Friday I have an appointment with my surgeon.  This will be my last appointment before my 1 yr. bandiversary. 

6.  I think I am going to start 30 Day Shred on Sunday.  I want to tone up before my 40th birthday in June.  I am not quite as concerned with the number on the scale as I am about toning some flabby areas up.  It is a nice feeling to not be filled with dread about the number you weigh.  It is kind of freeing.  I can focus on other things now that this aspect of my life has more control.

7.  My dog snores like a little piglet.  I am trying to type and she is distracting me.  Sweet little Pug.  She looks like a little pot bellied pig.  I could just eat her up she is so cute!  When she is sleeping or really relaxed her curly tail unwinds.  Then when you disturb her it curls back up.  This has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss.  Absolutely nothing.  But she is just too darn cute and it is hard to concentrate when she is curled up on my feet. 

8.  Number 7 just proves that I have ADD.   I can not focus for long.  SQUIRREL!!!

9.  I bought my first size 10 jeans last weekend.  Not all 10's fit.  But 12's are starting to be baggy.  Kinda strange wearing a 10.  Very surreal.  I can't remember the last time I could fit into a 10.  It has been many, many, many moons ago.

10.  My husband can not keep his hands off me.  The band should come with a warning label:  Caution, weight loss can lead to frisky husbands.  Proceed with caution. 

I hope everyone has a fantastic Thursday!

Pass It On.............

I am going to point you in the direction of an amazing blogger.  Her name is Holly and her blog is called 300 Pounds Down.   

Holly is very inspirational.   Pretty much everything she writes hits home with me. 

Show her some blog love and follow her..................you won't be disappointed.

Weekend Re-cap

This weekend was CrAzY!

Lily had a basketball tournament that went Thursday night, Friday night and half the day Saturday.  My kids were exhausted.  We got home Thursday night about 9:30 p.m. and they were very reluctant to leave their beds Friday morning.

You know I HAD to take pictures (and not just of the kids anymore!).

The girls and me at the game Friday night.

Lily at the big tournament.

I was really good with my exercising and food choices...................except...................

Friday night I had a mini size Blizzard from DQ.  I still log all my calories on MFP and when I logged it, it was 426 calories.  For a mini size.  I almost threw up in my mouth.  It is most definitely a once or twice a year treat.  I don't eat ice cream often so I did not beat myself up.  I am a firm believer in moderation.  Even with the mini Blizzard I stayed within my calorie range.

Saturday I did not get a chance to exercise.  We were crazy busy traveling to and from the tournament.  I packed snacks so I was at least able to make good food choices.

Kevin's brother came in town Saturday and so I really have not seen much of the hubs for the last two days.  They had golf-a-palooza.  

Sunday was my mom's birthday.  I did however walk....lots.  It was a beautiful day and I am sunburned today and it is only March!  Gotta love Texas...........you never know what the weather will be.

My mom and me at the big tournament this weekend.

It was a great weekend,  just busy.  I am almost glad it is quiet around here today with the kids at school.  It will give me a chance to catch up a bit.

Anyway, I never post just an update but I am amazed that this weekend food and weight really were not on my mind.  I ate when I was hungry.  I didn't make horrible choices (with the exception of the mini Blizzard).  I walked.  And I was rewarded......................

The scale this morning was down 2.6 lbs. for the week. 

I will leave you with one last picture of me and my girlies.

Hannah, Georgia and me.

Life is good. 

Happy Monday!

Ten Things Thursday

Ten Things Thursday, brought to us by Laura at Beer, Dogs and Getting Healthier.

1.  I am hobbling around today.  I can barely sit on the toilet without crying.  Why?  Because I decided that I needed to increase my weight resistance at the gym.  Oh, the pain.....the sweet, sweet pain.  I love knowing that the hour I spent at the gym was not wasted. 

2.  Yesterday the kids talked me into taking them to Subway for dinner.   I am not a fan of Subway.  I know, I know........it is healthy.  Or at least, you have healthy choices.  But, I always feel like I could make the same sandwich at home for at least half what I pay.  Plus, I don't eat bread (at least not soft bread).  My choices were very limited.  I ended up eating a bowl of soup because I was HUNGRY.  Super duper stomach rumbling HONGRY.  It was either eat a bowl of soup or gnaw off my own arm.  I chose the soup.  I think I made a good choice.

3.  Since I have started lifting weights again, I have noticed that on the days I lift I am hungry all day.  Not just head hunger.  Shaky, pass out hungry.  Does lifting boost your metabolism?  Should I be eating more calories on weight lifting days?  I don't want to bulk up.  I would love any info you could give me! MFP isn't a big help.  Those forum posters are NUTS.  Nuts....I..........Tell...........You!

4.  Tonight, Lily has her first all-star basketball game.  The game starts at 7:45 p.m. in a town 45 minutes away.  My child is sound asleep by 8:15 every night.  She is not a night owl like her mama.  I am hoping I don't have to go out on the court and splash her with water to wake her up.  Maybe I should give her some pixie stixs and go-go juice (Toddlers and Tiaras mom's give their kids Mt. Dew and call it go-go juice).  Yes, sometimes I watch T & T 's.  It is my guilty pleasure.  It makes me feel better about my parenting skills to know there are crazier moms than me out there.

5.  I went thrifting the other day and found the most gorgeous jade green vintage cardigan.  It has white beading on the front.  It reminds me of my Nana.  She was the perfect 50's housewife that wore shirt dresses and cardigans.  It is a little snug right now but I am hoping with all this lifting I will lose some of my back fat deposits.

6.  Last night I stopped at the gas station on the way to basketball practice.  My tummy was rumbling and since this is a large, newer (and nicer) gas station, I thought I could find a healthy alternative to a candy bar.  What I found was this: 

It is a Kashi Go Lean Chocolate and Peanut Butter bar.  Yeah, they claim it tastes like chocolate and peanut butter................keep dreaming.  It tastes like sawdust and something bitter.  Definitely not chocolate.  Not even chocolate like.  It had no peanut buttery goodness.  What it did have was the ability to sit right on top of my band for an hour and tease me with the PB feeling.  I wanted to have the sweet release of a good PB but no, I never did.  Next time Kashi, you won't trick me into buying your faux chocolate/peanut butter bar.  So what if it has 10 g of protein and 5g of fiber.  It was nasty.  Very, very nasty. 

5.  At dinner, Georgia (my 7 yr. old) was staring at my arms.  When I asked her what she was looking at she said:  "Momma, you have muskles now.  You are strong."  I will always remember that and how it made me feel.

6.  It is my mom's birthday this weekend.  She will be 49...again! (haha)  When I asked her what she wanted to do  she said go for a walk.  Seriously?  I said what about shopping, eating a piece of cake, going to a nice lunch.  No, just walk she said.  She claims I have inspired her.  Hells bells!  I wanted a bite of a good cheesecake.  But, it is nice to know that I have touched peoples lives.  Made them change things for the better.  That is something all of us need to remember.  That we have the ability to make changes by setting a positive example.

7  I am sitting here writing long entries because I am avoiding cleaning.  I HATE TO CLEAN.

8.  I think I am going to cut it short so I can go clean (big sigh).  I can't avoid it forever.

That is all my pretties!!!!!  Have a great Thursday.