Rearview Mirror

I found this status on a friends wall on FB.

Once you've made a decision to move on, don't look back. You will never find your future in the rear view mirror.



Talk about true!  For so long I have been glancing in my rear view mirror.  Comparing myself to my past self.  What I used to be.  How skinny I was once.  No wonder I felt discouraged for so long.

You see, I am not the same person I was 5, 10, 15, 20 years ago.  I am an ALMOST 40 year old woman who has given birth to 3 beautiful girls.........all via c-section.  No matter how hard I try that flat stomach is just not achievable unless I go under the plastic surgery knife.

I have earned all my tiny wrinkles around my eyes (they are starting to show up more as I lose weight).  My tata's..................*sigh* I joke that they look like a National Geographic picture of a woman who has never seen a good bra.  Again, I have nursed 3 kiddos.............plastics may be in my future if I would like them to point North again.

What I am saying is I AM NOT PERFECT.  I never will be.  And the more I take a good look in my non-rear view mirror the more I am okay with that.

Being fat has made me more conscience of other peoples feelings and for that I am grateful.  I used to wish that I had never gone down this road.  I am beginning to see that this journey will make me a woman that I will really like. 

I have said before that I hope I keep my fat girl personality in a new skinnier body.  That is still my hope.  I NEVER want to forget where I came from and where I am going. 

But, I will no longer long for the life that I see in the rear view mirror because each day this journey just gets more and more amazing. 

Room In The Bed

There is a lot more room in our bed lately.  I haven't said this in quite awhile but my hubby is banded too.

Between the 70 pounds he has lost plus the 88 I have lost there is plenty of room in our king sized bed.

That is why this has been inserted into the middle (of the bed):

Yeah, one 7 year old (approx. 50 lbs.) and one black lab puppy (approx. 50 lbs.) sleep with us almost every night. 

I know it looks sweet BUT.......................I want my bed back!  I want to enjoy my thinner self in my big bed. 

Oh well!  It is good to be loved.



Uneventful Weigh In..........again.

Today I loathe the scale............I mean really, really loathe it!  Why?  It has not budged again. 

I have been playing with the same pound now for 2 weeks.  Up to 231 then back down to 230.  I think my body is protesting letting go the 5 lbs. it lost 2 weeks ago.  So.............

On to a new plan.  Last week, I cut calories to around 1,000 and exercised daily.  I do not think 1,000 calories is enough for me. 

This week I will stay between 1,200 to 1,300 and hit the gym at least 3 days and swim at least 3 days.  I am going to tackle the elliptical machine.........oh how I dread that awful torture contraption!

Also, I have been reaching my protein goal BUT have been a little lax on the carbs.  Not this week.  My goal is to only eat really lean protein, my yummy Greek yogurt and carb friendly veggies.

Oh, and take my Benefiber because with all that protein, I am sure to get backed up. 

That is my plan.  Sounds good written out.........hopefully, I can stick to it!

In All My Infinate Wisdom (Otherwise Known As: Dumb Things I Do)

In all my infinite wisdom I decided to eat prunes because they are a natural laxative.  I didn't think they would get stuck.  But they did................

In all my infinite wisdom I decided to give up coffee and suffered a mind-wrenching headache thus, giving in and driving to Starbucks.

In all my infinite wisdom I decided to spend the day exercising in the pool.  Only I forgot to wear water-proof mascara and looked really pretty when I went into the drugstore.

In all my infinite wisdom I decided to Nair my legs..........but forgot to rinse it all the way off.  My legs burned like hell.

In all my infinite wisdom I decided to walk to the mailbox without putting on my bra under my t-shirt.  I saw 2 neighbors.

In all my infinite wisdom I decided not to buy new undies until I make it down just one more size.  My kids laughed at me and said I looked like I had a load in my britches.

In all my infinite wisdom I decided to leave our lab in the laundry room since it is 110 degrees.  She ate through the door.

In all my infinite wisdom I decided I could jump in the pool because I thought I had skinnied up.  I forgot the pool was only 4' 5" deep, jammed my leg and thought I would have to go to the E.R.

In all my infinite wisdom.................who am I kidding?  I don't think I have infinite wisdom!

Have a great day fellow bandsters and bloggers and remember........sometimes our infinite wisdom is really not wisdom at all!

Thick Necks & Necklaces Don't Mix

Today as I was trying on a necklace that I found,  I remembered a not so pretty memory.  I guess I had blocked this from my mind and it resurfaced from my subconscious.

I went to a jewelry party hosted by one of my friends.  I remember as I looked around the party thinking that I was the fatest person in the room.  The lady gave her sales pitch and we all dug into her jewelry trunk.  I love jewelry.  When you are heavy that is something that you can still wear and not have to worry about it fitting..........or so I thought.

I began trying on bracelets and then moved to necklaces.  However, a lot of the necklaces I couldn't get clasped.  Why?  Because my neck was too fat.  How humiliating. 

I remember feeling defeated as I set the beautiful necklace down.  The sales lady approached me and said, "We do make extenders."  She said it in front of my friends.  She was trying to be helpful.  I was so embarrassed that I probably turned as red as a fire truck.

I politely excused myself and went home empty handed.

I cried the whole way home.  I was mortified that I had let myself get so fat that I couldn't even buy costume jewelry. 

Anyway, today I found a necklace in my desk that my mom had given me last Christmas.  I remember having to use the last clasp to wear it.

I tried it on and.....................clasped in on the 3rd clasp.  About 14 links away from the last one.  Such an eye opener!  I haven't really been paying attention but as I look in the mirror my neck is making another appearance.

I cried.  Not tears of humiliation this time but tears of happiness.

Sometimes, we need concrete proof that we are making progress.  Yes, people tell us we look great.  Yes, we see the scale going down.  But, when you can clasp a different link on a necklace or put on those pants that have been hanging in your closet waiting for your waistline to shrink......... only then does it click that you are on the right track!





Another Birthday Unforgotten

Last week was my youngest daughter's birthday.  I took a picture to document this fact.

Is it the best picture of me?  No!  But the fact that this picture exists is a huge statement to the fact that I am feeling good about myself. 

In another year when I look back on this photo I will remember Georgia's 7th birthday and hopefully how far I have come in my weight loss journey.

That is what I call SUCCESS!



Stupid Scale

Really, it CAN make you cry!  Especially when you have been under your calorie count all week, exercised and the scale has not budged............not even an ounce!

Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason to this little devil box we step on.