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TX, United States
I am a 39 yr. old stay at home mom to 3 girls ages 10, 9 and 7. My goal is to be fit by 40! I want to lead a healthier lifestyle. I was banded on 4/5/2011. I tend to be a bit on the sarcastic and cynical side. I love to read, hate to excersise (but am learning to tolerate it!), love to shop and want to smack anyone who is a size 2 (not really!). I am learning to work with my band and my new self one day at a time!

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Please feel free to e-mail me at brendamyers@msn.com

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Monday, February 27, 2012

Unsupportive Spouses

This weekend while logging my food choices on MFP I just happened to read a post.  Okay, I just didn't happen to read it, I actually was intrigued by the title.

I almost never read anything posted.  At the beginning of my journey, I read, commented and posted a lot on a lap band forum.  But, somewhere along my journey as I became successful at my weight loss I grew bored with the constant ramblings and belly aching of people who really were not trying.  It seemed there were many (not all) posts asking  the question "why haven't I lost weight?"  When in reality they listed mostly crap they were eating and they had a sedentary lifestyle.  Anyway, I digress..............

This post was from a woman who wanted to know if others believed her husband was sabotaging her weight loss success.  I guess he has become her food pusher.  Bringing home junk (and I mean lots of junk) and trying to make her eat it.  She fully admitted to indulging in the food on several occasions.

My first thought was...........well, just because he brings it home doesn't mean you have to eat it.  But, that is a very simplistic way to look at it.  Too simplistic really.

Food holds such emotional power over us.  Half the weight loss battle is fighting the "head" hunger and the emotional part of us that is tied to food.  Yes, she has the ability to say no.  But, emotionally is she in that place?

I don't know.  It is just something that really got me thinking about the power of food.  How the weight issue plays such a huge part in our relationships.

Sure, the husband is a food pusher.  That was obvious.  But clearly this woman was battling her own food demons.  That is the hardest part of the whole weight loss journey.  At some point we have to cut the emotional ties that bind us to food.  Is that possible?

(Oh by the way........since my husband is banded, he has no choice but to be supportive!)  I can not imagine being at my own home and feeling sabbotaged.


  1. I cannot agree with you more. I think having a supportive house to go home to is the most important thing in our lives when we decide upon the band or any other weight loss measure. Having a food pusher in the house would be disasterous. Especially the past several weeks for me when I have a hard enough time reigning myself in with my choices. It would be near impossible if someone who loved me was encouraging the less nutrional choices.

  2. Lucky you... some times I wish my hubby was banded as well. He just doesn't understand and has made some strange remarks previously... he was joking but I always feel there is some truth to jokes. Plus I remember when I first checked into getting the surgery, he had issues with it... thinking I would get all skinny quickly and leave him. LOL.

    Yes, we are all responsible for the choices with food. But sometimes its hard... when you have an enabler or even a sabotager on the low. But we have to be stronger than that... that is something I'm learning personally.

  3. I agree - the power food has over us, and the way it can trigger us...I'm really lucky that my husband is pretty much indifferent to food - he's just as happy to eat popcorn for dinner - and I'm pretty indifferent about his junky food, so it works really well for us. But I can't imagine how much MORE difficult it would be to resist my PARTNER bringing in that crap...I'm difficult enough to resist on my own...

  4. I can say that my husband is very supportive and he is the last one to bring home junk food. That's probably because he doesn't eat it himself.

  5. I think it would be very hard to do this living in a home with someone who kept pushing bad food. I kind of like that you refer to him as a 'pusher'. Similar to a drug dealer. It really is true. Sometimes people feel insecure and they do sabotage. Sometimes they really aren't doing it intentionally. They are just shopping for the food they want without bringing you into consideration. I'm lucky that I don't have to deal with that but i feel really bad for those that do. So much of this is in the head and it would be very hard to live in a house with all your former go-to foods!

  6. My husband is not a food pusher, and he is very supportive, but he is also my enabler. If I mention I want something he will get it for me. I barely have to talk him into it. Then I yell at him for giving it to me!!!!! Luckily I only have this issue one week a month, and I don't honestly blame him.

  7. Mines not a pusher he could actually go days without thinking about food (I hate that) but when I get emotional about food - he runs he doesn't understand it and just avoids it. Now Im in pre op and he had agreed that he would take care of all the feeding of him and the kids but he's not - Im still in the the kitchen - starving to death - making scrambled eggs for my boys and their lunches and last nights dinner etc. and then when I yell at him he acts like Im nuts.

    The junk food is a tough one cause my kids are a healthy weight and I don't want them to not feel 'normal' and they tell me all their friends get Oreo's in their lunch and have chips in their cupboards. But Im such a lunatic about them not becoming fat that I think Im making them want it more cause they would eat a whole bag of chips in 5 minutes if I let them. Hopefully after the pre op and the band I wont want any of it and I can create a normal and healthy relationship with food.

    Thanks for the post I needed to get that out!

  8. I found you on the BOOBS blog... I look forward to following your journey. *Maria*~DiZneDiVa: Blogger from "This One Time at Band Camp... 1 Vs. 300 Check out my journey at mybigfatbandgeeklife.blogspot.com

  9. I hate the 'why haven't I lost weight?' entries, too. I want to say, "YOU KNOW WHY!" ...I digress.

    I can't even imagine having a spouse that did that. My boyfriend is bad enough, but having to LIVE with someone and they have that stuff around you 24/7? Eek!

  10. This is a hard one! I don't know if it's ever completely possible, but I think it does get a little easier. I feel like a recovering addict and I have to just take it one day at a time and one choice at a time.

    I didn't realize your husband was banded! That's awesome that y'all have each other!

  11. Sorry, just now getting caught up on blogs.
    Wow. That would be tough! I'm glad my guy is supportive!