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TX, United States
I am a 39 yr. old stay at home mom to 3 girls ages 10, 9 and 7. My goal is to be fit by 40! I want to lead a healthier lifestyle. I was banded on 4/5/2011. I tend to be a bit on the sarcastic and cynical side. I love to read, hate to excersise (but am learning to tolerate it!), love to shop and want to smack anyone who is a size 2 (not really!). I am learning to work with my band and my new self one day at a time!

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Please feel free to e-mail me at brendamyers@msn.com

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Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Memories Of Food

I am a firm believer that mental health and food go hand in hand.  Just ask most dieters.  They will probably tell you that they eat when they are anxious, upset, mad or sad.  Most of us are emotional eaters.  We associate a feeling with most food. 

  I guess I am at a place in my journey that I am trying to crack the code on why I chose to stuff down my feelings with food.  The other day, it had me thinking of the first real memory I had of food.  Negative or positive. 

I was in 6th grade.  I guess you could say I was a bit chunky for my age. 

My Nana told me I needed to go on a diet.  Now mind you, I was not an obese child by any standard.  I just had a little baby fat that some girls hold onto before they hit puberty. 

I remember her telling me to put my fork down.  I didn't need to eat that (I can't recall what what it was).  I remember being so upset that I stormed outside and sat down on a stump and cried in the neighbors yard.

Of course my Nana followed me.  To check and make sure I was okay.  But, I wasn't.  I felt humiliated and defeated.  I remember her telling me that I needed to follow the Slim-Fast diet.  That I didn't want to be the heavy girl.  That I was too pretty to be heavy.

Then she made me a deal.  Lose the weight and she would treat me to my favorite restaurant.....Mexican food.

Really?  Can anyone else see the irony here?  Lose the weight and I will reward you with what????  FOOD!  Not a cute top, not jeans, not shoes or a handbag.............food.  No wonder I have a love/hate relationship with food.  It has been ingrained in my brain since childhood.

You see, my Nana was a wonderful grandmother but she grew up in another era.  The relationship with food and feelings would have never occurred to her.  That is just how she was raised.  You eat to survive (she grew up in the Great Depression).  Food was a special treat to be savored on special occasions.  Everyday abuse of food would have been gluttonous.

Fast food didn't exist in her world.  A bag of chips?  I really can not remember her having them except on a special occasion.  That whole generation treated food differently than we do.  People actually sat down to meals that were lovingly prepared.  "Made from scratch" was not some marketing gimmick to make you think the frozen dinner did not taste like cardboard.  My Nana's  generation thought about food much differently than we do today. 

What I am realizing is that while I could easily blame my eating habits on how I grew up, I need to be an adult and own up to the fact that I treated food poorly.  It was me that used food as my drug of choice.  No one held a gun to my head and made me eat.  I did it. 

For me that is a huge step in cracking the food code.... the acceptance of responsibility for my actions.  That while my first food memory is not really a pleasant one, it is in the past.  And the past is just that......the past.   

And while the past reveals where I have been in my food journey, it does not dictate my future.  That is up to me.  Everyday is a new opportunity to chart a new course.....to create a new "food map" of sorts to get me to my destination.

Next stop....................lap-band surgery, twoderville, 275, 225, onederland.

8 comments:

  1. Great post. It is time to just move forward and stop allowing the future to catch up and hurt us.

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  2. I guess a s guy it was different as kid but the same. I grew up in a "here have seconds your going to waist away, yes getting 2 double quarter pounders is a normal food order" It's not my familys fault, i just have unlearn what i have learned as yoda would say :)

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  3. Loved reading this blog. It was tough, as I can relate too so much of it. The surgery was the easy part...changing everything about how I live is the huge challenge. I'm super emotional and still struggle daily with my thoughts. The truth hurts. Yewch!

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  4. Perfect! I was just thinking about this the other day....my 'relationship' with food. It's definitely not healthy. And why??? When it was healthy---er I felt great, let moody and had tons of energy. but this latest crap food fest has made me feel tired, depressed, and just pure blah.

    Today I made the commitment again to be healthier. One day at a time, i'll get there!

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  5. I hear that, my family was the same way... I mean, rewarding with food. No one ever really advised me to put the fork down. I had an uncle that kept insisting I needed to put ON more weight. UGH. Things are so different here in the south, aren't they?

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  6. So true...It's amazing how many of us have been affected by the food issues that others have. I, for one, can trace a lot of my food issues right back to my mother but I agree with you that no one forced me to eat as much as I used to eat. I think recognizing and accepting this was a HUGE step for me in changing my relationship with food now and going forward.

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  7. Great post, Brenda ... something to ponder.

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  8. Love this: "And while the past reveals where I have been in my food journey, it does not dictate my future. That is up to me."!!!

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