I'm going home tomorrow.
To the place I grew up. The place I rode my pink banana seat bike. The place I chased down the ice-cream man on the occasional sunny day. The place I lived when Mt. St. Helen's erupted. The place I got my first kiss. The place that broke my heart when I had to move away my junior year in high school. The place that is forever tattooed in my brain. The place that is full of good and bad memories.
At exactly 11:20 tomorrow morning I will flying into Portland, Oregon. Then I am taking a rental car to Hood Canal, Washington.
My mom called me 2 weeks ago and asked if I would fly up with her and my sister to help clean up the family vacation home. A horrible tenant has trashed the place.
But that is neither here nor there. It is just the beginning of the story.
A year ago, I would have said no way. No way would I ever subject myself to getting on an airplane. Never mind that I am a horrible flyer. I have to drug myself just to get on an airplane. But, couple the anxiety with the fear of having to ask for a seat belt extender and be sandwiched in with strangers and you have a concoction for my demise.
Really. It would have been the death of me mentally.
There is no reason (besides my anxiety) that I can not easily get on an airplane.
So, I said yes. Then I told my mom that this is a HUGE thing for me. Like REALLY HUGE. I am conquering my fear. This is nothing to be taken lightly............at least not to me.
I am doing this for my family. But, really I am doing this for me. Because I need to face this fear head on. Shatter my fear's power. Prove to myself that at 40 (my birthday is next week and I will celebrate the big
4-0) that I can handle what I could not handle in my 30's.
My weight is no longer an obstacle. I am going to embrace life in my 40's. Embrace it and prove to myself that there is NOTHING I can not do.
Tomorrow I will start another chapter in my life. I am hoping the chapter will no longer be filled with fear, longing and regret. Instead, it will be replaced with accepting myself and loving myself for the amazing journey that is about to unfolded.