I have had a lot (by a lot I mean more than 3) of people come up to me and say: Don't look at me because I have gained so much weight.
These are friends or acquaintances. People that knew me when I was truly heavy, and now they know the "fit" me.
I don't know what makes people think that I will think any less of them because they have put on a few pounds. Is it because I "skinnied up" as someone so eloquently put it?
Of all the people in the world that would be judgemental (especially when it comes to weight), it wouldn't be me. Truly. I am one of the most unbiased people you will ever meet. And if you are worried about a few extra pounds that you have put on, well, that is between you and the scale. There will be no judgment here.
Is it because they silently judged me when I was at my heaviest? If that is so, then trust me......I want to always remember how I was treated. And I have vowed to myself that I will NEVER EVER EVER forget how it felt to be judged by so many people.
It is strange being on the other side of this situation. Almost unsettling.
But this I promise to myself: I will NOT forget where I have been. I will NOT forget this journey. I will NOT forget how I felt to by weighed down by others and my own judgement. I will NOT forget the woman who sat and watched her life unfold in front of her. I will NOT forget how it felt to be the fattest person in a room. I will NOT forget the fat girl that is still inside of me.
Instead, I thank her.
Because of her, I am a more caring, less judgemental person.
When I see/meet people who are struggling with weight it just makes me hurt for them. I hurt for how I know they are likely feeling physically and emotionally. I really have to practice a lot of restraint to not bombard them with my story. But I just so badly want them to know that THERE IS HOPE and THERE IS A WAY OUT!! Of course, I don't do that because I also know how tender and hurtful the issues around weight can be.
ReplyDeleteI have also experienced some of my overweight friends assuming that I am now don't want to be around them because of my weight loss. It is almost like some of them have taken my decision to get lapband and make these changes in my life as a kind of a "silent judgement" -- like, I didn't want to be like them (overweight/obese) anymore and since I didn't like my fat then I must not like their fat and therefore not like them. (Does that make any sense or is it only in my head?? )
Great post! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteGeat Post - thank you!
ReplyDeleteWonderful post - and bless you for the compassion and understanding. I truly believe that having the experience on both sides of that conversation can only help. Thanks for posting this!
ReplyDeleteAmen - it doesn't matter who you are, people of all races and ages just HATE fat people. I don't know what makes skinny people so angry about other's weight but it is vicious. I'm 100% with you. I vow to never ever ever ever make someone feel bad about their weight.
ReplyDeleteThis post really gets me thinking, I can see the need to apologize for my weight in myself. I think that inherently those of us who have gained a lot of weight feel that we are failing at something and want people to forgive us this 'weakness'.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes struggle to not be judgemental, never about someone's weight but about other things. This really spoke to that icky person inside me!!
Great post! I do think that I'm less judgemental about people due to what I went through as an obese person. I wasn't very social before losing the weight (I was basically a hermit) so I can't tell if people treat me differently now...
ReplyDeleteGREAT post! Thanks! :)
ReplyDeleteBrenda- this is a great post.
ReplyDelete