This weekend I had to go shopping for a dress to wear to an upcoming wedding. Being that I live a town that has Wally World and a few other small stores the options were limited. Even more limited when you want to go to a plus size department.
I went to Cato. Why? Cheap, trendy and available. I tried on several dresses.
I ended up picking out a really cute short dress with pockets (I LOVE pockets!). It was perfect. What was even more perfect is that I fit into a 14/16W.....the equivalent of a 1X.
I haven't been down this low in at least 5-6 yrs. I guess my morning walks up and down hills are paying off.
I should have been content with the 14/16 right? But, in my head I HAD to try on the bigger size. I bought an 18/20. Now before you comment on how ridiculous that is, I already exchanged it. I took the dress back the next day and got the 14/16. But, it freaked me out. Being in the smaller size. I just couldn't comprehend it. Why?
Head games. Don't our brains play tricks on us? Make us think there is no way we could fit into a size? No way we are smaller? Surely, we are just as big as we were.
Weight loss is such a mental game. Sure my scale was down 2 lbs. this week. Mainly because I got my ass moving. I did not skip a day of working out. I basically ate right. But 2 lbs. how can that be? But it is. IT IS.
Sometimes this process is so frustrating. I know I am doing what I am supposed to, I know the scale is going down so why can I not accept this? Surely, I do not look the same as the woman who weighed 95 lbs. more.
Self acceptance is hard. Self acceptance is also necessary. Especially as I get closer to maintenance. I have to learn to love myself. So I can succeed and keep this weight off.
That to me is the hardest part of this whole weight loss journey..............self-acceptance.