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TX, United States
I am a 39 yr. old stay at home mom to 3 girls ages 10, 9 and 7. My goal is to be fit by 40! I want to lead a healthier lifestyle. I was banded on 4/5/2011. I tend to be a bit on the sarcastic and cynical side. I love to read, hate to excersise (but am learning to tolerate it!), love to shop and want to smack anyone who is a size 2 (not really!). I am learning to work with my band and my new self one day at a time!

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Please feel free to e-mail me at brendamyers@msn.com

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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Sometimes Being Selfish Is Okay

My mom always taught me to put others ahead of myself.  After all, it is the nice thing to do.  And while that is a great philosophy, sometimes we need to be a little selfish.

For years, I neglected myself.  I let my health deteriorate.  My needs went on the back burner to the needs of my kids, husband and friends.  I think we as women, being the caregivers, sometimes find there is little to no time for ourselves and the things we love.  Some selfishness is okay.  In fact, it makes us better moms, wives and friends when we are happy, content and take care of ourselves.

I have a friend that I really admire.  Since I met her, 8 years ago I have noticed she has no problem telling people "no".  She makes time for herself.  Whether it is a night out with girlfriends, time at the gym, an evening away from her kids, she never feels guilty about having "me" time.  She is also one of the most loving and caring people I know.  She takes care of herself, her family and friendships beautifully.  Is there a selfish bone in her body?  No.  She just knows in order to be a better person sometimes she has to put herself first.

That is what I have been missing all these years..............selfishness.  Not the bad kind of selfishness.  The kind of selfishness that makes me take care of myself.  To know that I need "me" time.  To be okay putting myself first sometimes in order to be a well developed person.

For years I have worn the badge of "martyr".  I have resentfully given of myself and my time in order to take care of others needs.  What I needed what a selfish intervention.

Insert Lap-Band here.

Yeah, it is the first thing I have done for myself in a long time.  It is also the first "selfish" thing that I have ever done that will actually save my life.  And that is not selfish.  In fact, it is one of the least selfish things I can think of.  My kids will get to enjoy an active happy mom.  My husband has a new empowered wife.  I can be a better friend because I actually like love myself again.

The other day, when I was trolling FB, I found this quote posted on a friends wall:

The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development. I used to say "if you take care of me, I will take care of you" now I say "I will take care of me for you, if you take care of you for me."
  Jim Roth

So, my "selfish" time is every morning from about 7:30 to 10:00 a.m.  When I can be found working out (by the way, I turn my cell phone off until 10).

Feel free to leave a message after the beep.  I will be busy taking care of myself.


  1. Beautifully put!
    I'm struggling with this a lot myself - even though I don't have children yet, "just" a husband (and a doggy) to look after... and a very needy sister...
    But you are so right! We must take care of ourselves first to be able to take care of others.
    Clue the emergency announcement before every flight: when the oxygen masks are deployed you MUST put yourself on first, before you can help your child (or fellow passengers). Makes sense: if you fall into unconsciousness, who's there to help them?

  2. Well said. I know that I've had times over the last year that I felt guilty about being selfish...I work out at night twice a week so that's 2 nights that I leave my husband and kids to fend for themselves for dinner...oh no, they might starve (NOT)!! I finally had a long talk with myself and basically just told myself to get over it...they aren't complaining so why should I make myself crazy over it? Besides, like you pointed out, they are getting a much healthier and happier mom/wife out of this!

  3. Great post. It is so hard to finally put ourselves first but it's the only way.

  4. Love this! I'm so glad you decided to put yourself first, or (at least in my selfish mind), I wouldn't have gained a fabulous new friend! :)