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TX, United States
I am a 39 yr. old stay at home mom to 3 girls ages 10, 9 and 7. My goal is to be fit by 40! I want to lead a healthier lifestyle. I was banded on 4/5/2011. I tend to be a bit on the sarcastic and cynical side. I love to read, hate to excersise (but am learning to tolerate it!), love to shop and want to smack anyone who is a size 2 (not really!). I am learning to work with my band and my new self one day at a time!

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Please feel free to e-mail me at brendamyers@msn.com

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Friday, April 13, 2012

Playing Dead

Yesterday, I decided since it was a beautiful day here I would walk outside.  I will use any excuse to not go to the gym.  I would rather be outdoors.  In the fresh air.  I need my vitamin D.  This pasty white girl needs some sun.

I laced up my tennies.  My dog went nuts.  She was running in circles.  Chasing her tail.  Sitting right in front of the drawer that contains her precious leash.

I figured the dog needed fresh air too.  So I put on her leash and away we went.

I live in the country.  Yes, we have neighbors but they are "country" neighbors.  Each house is at least 1/4 mile from the next one. 

Anyway, I decided to walk the distance I usually do.  1.5 miles there and 1.5 miles back.  Easy peasy for me.  I thought Ming (our Pug) could handle it too.  It wasn't too hot...........about 82 degrees with a breeze.

We walked the 1.5 miles and turned around.

About 1/2 mile from our house she layed down in the middle of the road and played dead.  Her tongue was hanging out.  Seriously, she acted DEAD.

We have several natural gas wells down our road.  There are big trucks that go up and down all the time.  It was just a matter of time before one would come our way.

I tried to pull on her leash.  Nothing.  No reaction.  She just looked at me.

I tried to lift her to her legs.  Again nothing.  Nada.  She was a limp noodle and fell back down in her dead position.

I called her name.  Told her she would get a special treat.  Begged her to get up.

No response.  Just panting and looking at me like I was the crazy one.

Well crap!  I thought.

Crap, crap, crap on a cracker.

I picked her up.  All 12 stocky pounds of her.  She was playing dead weight.  Seriously.  DEAD WEIGHT.

Great.  Just great.

I began walking towards my house.  Carrying my Pug baby. 

Geez.  12 lbs. is a lot.  Really.  How the heck did I manage carrying 148 extra lbs. around?  No wonder I was grumpy and tired.

I was sweating like a pig.

The UPS man passed us.  He was laughing.

Dude!  I wanted to scream.  Give us a ride.  You know who I am.  You know where I live.  You deliver packages to my house ALL the time.  At least throw a bottle of water out the truck window.

Uh.  He didn't.  I think I saw him laughing though.  Ass!  Next time I will sick my portly Pug on him.  Maybe she will lick him to death or leave him a little brown present................she likes to leave us presents that she makes. 

I could see my house in the distance.  Or was it a mirage?  It was about a 1/4 mile away.

I ran.

Like the wind.

Carrying my very heavy, dead weight Pug.  Like a baby.

I finally made it to my driveway.  Guess what happened?

It was a miracle.

She pepped up.

That little bitch.

She pulled on the leash and made me run the rest of the way down the driveway (our driveway is about 1/4 of a mile long).

Lesson learned.

I walk alone.

I am a lone walker.

No more taking my lazy dog.

Good workout though.

Good workout.

12 comments:

  1. LOL you made me laugh so hard. I could seriously envision all you describe here!

    Great workout!

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  2. I'm laughing my ass off right now!!! That sounds like something one of my dogs would do! It's amazing that we carried around an extra 150 lbs, isn't it? I don't know how we did it, but I'm glad we won't ever have to do it again!!!

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  3. HAHAHAHA! "little bitch" I was ROLLIN!

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  4. So funny. Obviously nout for you but I swear our animals no just how to play us. xx

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  5. I love this story! My girls are teenagers, and they like to run for exercise. They frequently take our chocolate lab, but he is overweight and getting old. He falls way behind now. In the good news department, he has lost weight. :)

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  6. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Love it!!

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  7. LOL! I have to be careful because I can now go a lot farther than my dog can and there is no way I could carry a 95 pound dog if she gave out on me!

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  8. This made me giggle.
    I hope 80lb Wyatt NEVER plays dead on a walk. His ass would have to stay there!

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