Thursday being my one year bandiversary, I felt the need to schedule my year appointment with my surgeon.
He is the only doctor I do not mind visiting. Mainly because I always have a positive scale reading. Um, that didn't happen. The scale gave me a big fat donut. A zero. Nothing gained, nothing lost.
My reply to this was: What!? How can this be.
I know the scale will not go down forever. I am realistic about the numbers. But, zero?! That really pisses me off. I work out like a fiend. I basically eat right at least 80% of the time. But, why oh why did I not even lose a few ounces.
I began to question myself.
What am I eating?
Could I exercise more?
Then I talked to my surgeon. I told him I wasn't happy with this. He said I can't go on losing forever. That I have accomplished more than most people do.
Then I told him I have been struggling with my eating habits. I am super hungry about 1 1/2 to 2 hours after a meal. And when I say I am hungry, it means I am HONGRY. Like, I could gnaw off my own arm. Most of the time I have learned to ignore my stomach rumbling. But it is getting harder.
I told him I want about 10 more pounds. Mainly toning. I will even settle for 5. I know that my tummy isn't going away without surgery. I know this. I am realistic about it. Plus, I don't want to be at a weight that I have to basically live off nothing to keep the weight off. I want maintenance to be effortless. Well, at least not a struggle. Not a horrible struggle.
I have been flucuating between 169 and 173. Up and down. Down and back up. Is this it? I had to ask him.
He felt that another 5-10 lbs. was doable. So, we decided on a tiny fill. What I call Topping Me Off. Kinda like when you top off your gas tank or your coffee cup. Just a smidge to keep the momentum going. He gave me .25 cc's. So now I am at 6.25 cc's in a 10 cc band.
I was elated. This was going to be it. What got me to my ultimate goal. Yeah me! I thought I would like feeling a bit more restriction since I tend to like my band a bit of the looser side. I want to have the control over what I eat. Not the band having control of my eating.
The difference was immediate.
I felt like there was something on my chest. Sitting there. It let things through, but very, very slowly. Even water trickled down. I have been a water gulper. Now? Tiny sips. Teeny tiny bites of food.
I get full from about 1/4 cup of food. And when I say full, I mean not one more bite or a PB may occur.
I haven't PB'd at all. I have been super careful. 2 days of liquids and then 1 day of mushies. I feel like I am back to the beginning of my journey. I am where I started 1 yr. ago. Learning new rules. Feeling the presence of my band again.
Topping Me Off, well, the jury is still out on whether that was the best idea. I am going to give it a few weeks and see. I already miss being in control. For a control freak like me, this is unnerving. Very unnerving.
Maybe the scale will budge again. Maybe it won't. Maybe this is my happy place. Here at 169-173. I have decided I am okay either way. Either way, I accomplished more than I expected to. Either way is a victory in my book.