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TX, United States
I am a 39 yr. old stay at home mom to 3 girls ages 10, 9 and 7. My goal is to be fit by 40! I want to lead a healthier lifestyle. I was banded on 4/5/2011. I tend to be a bit on the sarcastic and cynical side. I love to read, hate to excersise (but am learning to tolerate it!), love to shop and want to smack anyone who is a size 2 (not really!). I am learning to work with my band and my new self one day at a time!

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Please feel free to e-mail me at brendamyers@msn.com

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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

When Reactions Aren't What You'd Expected

Those of us that have lost or are in the process of losing a significant amount of weight have grown accustomed to the reactions we get.  The stares, the "OMG! You look so good!", the question, "What are you doing?"  These are reactions we have come to expect, so when we are faced with someone who shrugs off our success with little recognition.........well, it throws us for a loop.  What makes it worse is when it is someone we are very close to or love.  Sometimes, not saying much is saying a whole lot.  Silence is a word unto itself.

I have come across a lot of this lately.  I got HUGE kudos when I lost around 75 lbs., when I was losing but was still my fluffy self that people are accustomed to.  Now, I get a lot of silence.  I have even gotten ignored.  Ouch.

Why, when I am probably at the best place in my life, do you shun me?  Is it that I have a new found confidence?  That you can no longer push around the fat girl?

Is it because you really want to be successful at a diet?  You want to change your lifestyle?   Because if that is it, I am a great person to walk with, talk with, discuss your goals with, cry with and share your successes with. 

My personality has not changed.  Well, I have gained more confidence.  I think I am stronger now.  But, I am still funny.  I am still nice.  I am the same inside.

So, why does my outside appearance now change our relationship?

Do you feel I don't need you?  Because really, now is when I need you most.  This last part of my journey is going to be hard.  And the maintenance..........well, that is going to be a bitch. 

I need you now more than ever. 

I don't expect gushing congratulations.  I just expect support.  Acknowledgement that I am on the right track.  That you are proud to be my friend, my family, someone worth knowing.  Someone who matters in your life.  Is that too much to ask for?

**By the way, I am losing weight for ME, for my health.  So I can be around for my kids, grand kids and hopefully great grand kids.  I honestly don't need approval from anyone...........but it is nice.  It is nice to know you have people on your side.**


  1. It is so funny how sometimes the best times of our lives give us more clarity on those worth giving our love to than the hard times. People tend to stick around for the train crash if for nothing more than to feel better about themselves. Some people just don't know what it takes to be a good friend. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this.

  2. It is interesting to see who is truely happy for you in your journey and who isn't...it makes me feel even more justified in not being public about my band because those unsupportive people are the ones who would run around behind my back talking about how I took the easy way out...

  3. Have to agree with Vicky on this one. Now is the time when you realize who the people you can truly count on are, and you need people that will encourage and support you.

    I too am glad I haven't told anyone that isn't dear to me about my choice because I know, as Vicky said, the others would be the first to run and talk about my easy way out. Rather than looking at the 8 workouts a week I put in and the healthful food choices I make day in and out.

    We're here for you. Remember that.

  4. This is so true. I feel like this a lot lately. I have one friend who was a pretty close friend that has been super weird since surgery. It is interesting because when I had my per-surgery psych evaluation the Dr. asked if I thought friends would be supportive or if they would have a negative or a jealous reaction. Of course I thought no, all my close friends will be supportive... Not the case. Like Vicky said it is interesting to see who truly is happy and who isn't.

    I also have two co-workers who heard through the grapevine about my surgery and they constantly whisper about how I took the lazy way out.

    You are doing awesome and you are a huge inspiration to me!!

  5. I feel like we're often on the same wavelength with our posts. :( We really should get together sometime!

    Just so you know, I'm very proud of you.

  6. Brenda,
    This was an excellent blog - all valid points. Whichever road we choose, we deserve all the kudos in the world. None of us chose this as the easy way out - in fact, we've probably had far worse weight management issues and eating disorders. Do people really think I spent 12K on surgery if I could succeed at dieting? really?!

    You're doing great!! Fabulous! Wonderful! 112 pounds since 4/5/11 is simply awesome.

  7. I too really enjoyed this post. I can't say it enough, I get so much from these blogs.


  8. I'm proud of you and am sorry to hear what you're going through. If anything - i guess the silence just reflects on where they are at in their life and where they stand on your relationship. I do hope they come around though. KEEP IT UP LOVELY LADY - YOU'RE TOTALLY KICKING BUTT!!!

  9. I hate that people act that way. I think they just don't know what to do. I wish it wasn't that way, but I think it's pretty common! You have all of us for support and you are doing AMAZING!!!