Thank You Frances Lillian Foote

For years now I have been questioning if I was dropped off on my parents door step.  I just don't look like anyone from my family.

It is hard to see any resemblance when I was a 300 lb. woman.  Everyone in my family is beautiful.  Really.  It is sickening. 

So, being the heavy one made me feel like the black sheep.  I didn't fit in with the people that I have the most in common with.  That is a very lonely feeling.

I didn't grow up heavy.  Yes, I have a slower metabolism than my mom but, in my younger years you could see what gene pool I had come from.  I did not get heavy until after marriage.  Then more so after kids.  Then even more after a life altering illness. 

Yesterday, I had a PTO function to attend.  So, seeing as how I was already "prettied" up, I decided to snap a picture. 

The picture actually stunned me.  Not because I was dressed up.  Not because I had makeup or jewelry on.  It was because I recognized the woman in the picture.

It was my great-grandmother.

There is not a doubt in my mind that the genes I have received came from Frances Lillian Foote.  It is apparent in the photo.  I have her hair.  Her face shape.  Her smile.  I look just like her.

What I see in that picture is reassurance.  I see where I fit in.  Where I belong.

I see my present.  I see my grandmothers past.  And for once, I see the future.

Thank you grandma.  For the Cheetos I used to eat on your porch.  For the Ramen Noodles we loved to eat with you. For the music box that sits on my dresser.  For your giving heart.  For your genes.

I finally feel like I belong again.





Sometimes..............this is how I feel about walking.

Sometimes, this is how I feel about morning walks.  But, strangely enough after or during a walk I start to feel better.  Gotta love endorphins!

But You Have Such a Pretty Face...

I was in inspired by Mary at Unil My Cup Runneth Over.  This post is amazing.  Please check it out! 

But You Have Such a Pretty Face... Until My Cup Runneth Over

We all know the cliche saying "You have such a pretty face!"  Especially when most people want to follow it with the unspoken "You have such a pretty face (if only......you would lose 25, 50...100 lbs.)"

I am here to say............I am more than just a pretty face!  These are the 10 things I like about myself (without referring to my weight). 

1.  I am very determined.
2.  I am no quitter.
3.  I am extremely loyal to friends and family.
4.  I have a wicked sense of humor.
5.  I really like my nose.
6.  I have good thick hair.
7.  I am caring and compassionate.
8.  I am a really good mom.
9.  I am creative.
10.  I am smart but still have common sense.

Please comment with the 10 things you like about yourself.  Feel free to re post onto your blog!



If You Are What You Eat Then..............

If you are what you eat then yesterday I was................

1. Slice of fat free orange cake with whipped frosting
2.  A serving of ruffled potato chips
3.  A mini Kit-Kat
4.  A square of dark chocolate bar
5.  Various lunch meats
6.  Slices of cheese atop of tortilla chips
7.  Lots and lots of coffee

Really, not a good day for eating right.  But, by logging all food at least I made sure not to go over my calorie goal.  PMS got the best of me.

I guess the moral of this little lesson is no one is perfect.  Today is a fresh start!

100 lbs. Down Hair Color

I wanted to give myself something for my 100 lb. loss.  So.................I decided to dye my hair auburn.  New weight and new hair color.

I thought it would be different.  But, it is so close to my natural hair color that people really can't tell the difference.  It is just a little darker than it was.  The colors on the boxes are all sooooooooooooo confusing!!!!



Food Police

In the distance I hear a siren.

It is getting closer.

And closer.

Uh-oh, it the food police! 

Lately, I have noticed there are a lot of food police present in my life.  They watch me like hawks.  They are ready to swoop in and critique my every bite.

Why now?  After I have proven myself successful at losing.  Are they scared that I will go morbidly obese again?  Are they concerned for my health?

I think not.

In fact, I think these people are rather irritating.  Like a bad rash you just can't get rid of.

You see, I know EXACTLY what I put in my mouth EVERY DAY.  I am an obsessive logger of all things that have calories.  I can tell you the portion size and calorie count of most foods..........without looking them up.

I have become somewhat of a dietitian of sorts.

I know that a chocolate bar has about 200 calories.  That small bag of chips has approximately 140 calories.  The six popcorn chicken I just put in my mouth?  85 calories.

Before band, I didn't know.  I did not hold myself accountable.  I didn't track calories in vs. calories out.

But now, I truly believe in accountability.  What I put in my mouth I hold myself accountable for.

Can you say..................light bulb moment?!

I also believe that moderation is the key to success.  It will do me no good to tell myself no chocolate EVER.  Instead, when I want chocolate there is a fun size candy bar waiting in my fridge.  And after I eat it...........I LOG IT!!!  How crazy is that?!

Accountability.

That is what I have learned.

I am accountable for what I put in my body.  I am not accountable for what others put in their bodies.

Nor am I one to judge or police what others put in their mouths. 

Why?

Accountability.

So, next time you see a bandster, dieter,  whoever put something you do not approve of in their mouths, remember...............................you are not the food police.  Please be accountable for what you eat, not what others choose to consume.





War Wound

Today was the long exercise day.  That means 6 miles (we try to do six miles at least 3 times a week).  What baffles my mind is that I actually look forward to the long days.  It is kind of a Zen-like experience for me.  Very peaceful.

I just had to take a picture of my "war wound".  My huge blister from walking.  I am proud of it!  I guess I feel like an athlete.

It is such a change from my stationary pre-banded life.  I can not imagine being a couch potato now.  It seems like I always have to be moving or doing something.

Anyway, had to share my war wound with you!  Please ignore my disgustingly cracked heel!  :)

Have a great Thursday!



Good Ridance FB Friend

Some time ago I blogged about an acquaintance that in my opinion posted something on FB that was rude.  My blog post titled "Ignorance Is Not Bliss" (click on the title to get to the post) explains the whole situation.

Yesterday, the woman who posted her stats on her FB page contacted me and wanted to know why I had deleted her from my FB friends list.

I will be honest.  My first thought was to cover myself and lie.  Maybe say that it was an accident.  But then I thought of all of you.  Of all of us that are going through this weight loss journey.  How we have to stick together and stop fattie bashing.  And so, I told her the truth.

I very calmly told her that I did not appreciate her posting her "perfect" proportions or her rude comment on her FB page.  I told her it was hard enough going through this weight loss journey without having to read her commentary.  I told her I did not want or need any negativity right now. 

I must say it was kind of freeing.  She of course denied that she was "hating" on fat people.  But really it doesn't matter.  She is not someone that I really care about their opinion.

The truth is I don't want to be friends with anyone who thinks themselves better than anyone.  I am not that kind of person.

I have noticed that as my size has decreased that all of a sudden I am more noticeable.  More friend-worthy.  More approachable.

But the truth is I am the same person on the inside.  The outside package has changed but my character has not. 

But what this loss of weight has created is a backbone.  I no longer want people in my life that will get in the way of the journey I am taking.  I no longer want negativity.  I no longer accept shallowness or tolerate other peoples nonsense. 

Is this good?  I don't know.  I guess only time will tell.

I will tell you this................I am not afraid to hit the delete button on FB anymore.

Heavy Load

This weekend I had to go grocery shopping.  It is something I HATE to do.  I tend to pick up industrial sizes in most items so I do not have to return anytime soon. 

On my list to buy was dog food.  Let me explain something.  I have not 1 dog but 4.  Yes, 4!  Why?  Because I am certifiably CrAzY.  Each one of my kids begged and pleaded to have their own furry friend.  They swore they would take care of them.  But who feeds, waters and does the potty breaks?  That's right, ME! 

We have:  1 Schnauzer, 1 Lab, 1 Daschund, and 1 Pug.  Each girl had to have a certain kind of dog and then of course my hubby HAD to have a hunting dog (i.e. Lab).  So, 3 kids, 4 dogs, one gutter kitty (she is the stray country cat I feed) and one husband makes for one chaotic house.

But, back to my point.

At the grocery store I looked for the biggest bag of dog food.  Because heaven only knows how much dog food we go through in a week.

I found a 44 lb. bag.  The biggest the store had.  I proceeded to lift it into my buggy.  You know how heavy a 44 lb. bag of dog food is?  SUPER heavy.  It took me several tries to throw it in the bottom of the cart.

Then I got to thinking....................

I have lost 102 lbs.  That is the equivalent of  2 1/2 bags of dog food.  DANG!!!  I had trouble lifting a 44 lb. bag.  No wonder I was always so tired when I weighed 300+ lbs.

I can not imagine lugging that weight around anymore.  I feel lighter and have so much more energy.  I can walk 5 miles no problem.  I do not have to park close at the grocery store anymore.  I can go through the day without having to rest.  I just feel so much better.

102 lbs. is A LOT. 

It is a very heavy load to have carried. 

It is a load I DO NOT MISS.

I wonder how great I will feel after I lose the next 50 pounds.

I can not wait to find out!

Award

Thank you to 3 different people who nominated me for the Leibster Award.  Robyn, Lisa and Vicky.  I am humbled by your nominations. 

Liebster means ‘beloved’ or 'favorite' in German and it’s an honor to receive this award. The Liebster Blog Award is designed to bring additional recognition to those bloggers with less than 200 followers. If you receive the award, you should link back to the blogger that nominated you and nominate five more blogs. Also, don’t forget to let them know that you nominated them.

1.  Dede at Saucy Little Stitch.  She is beautiful inside and out!  Check out her idea for an inspiration board.

2.  Kelly at Finding My Way.  She has lost an amazing 83 lbs!  How inspirational!

3.  Elizabeth at Inside V. Outside.  She is an amazing mom and blogger. 

4.  Amy at Finding Me.  Amy is my blogger friend and also my friend on myfitnesspal.  She always has the most encouraging words for me!

5.  Ronnie at Ronnie's Bandumentary.  Ronnie is a great friend and one day I will get to meet her in person.  It will be like meeting a movie star!  She always, always says the nicest things to encourage me (or make me laugh!).

If you aren't following these ladies PLEASE start.  I know how much I love reading comments on my own blog!  Every one's support means the world to me!

Thanks for the nomination ladies!

How Do I Comment?

Will someone help me.........please, oh please!

I can't comment on blogs unless it has name and URL.

Why can't I go through my Google account?

So frustrating!

Help!

Thank You



I just want to say thank you to everyone who reads and comments.  I do not have a support group in my town and everyone here has become my band support.

A special thanks to:

Cece, Robyn, Ronnie, Vicky, Amy, and Lisa

Without these ladies continual comments I do not think I would have been as successful as I have been.  Please check out their blogs if you have not already (you can access their blogs by clicking on their name).

I just love how all us bandsters are so supportive of eachother.  You really have become like a 2nd family to me!  I always look forward to all your comments.

Thank you to my walking buddy, Lesley.  Her birthday was yesterday and you know what she wanted to do?  Walk 6.5 miles!  She always inspires me to push myself just a little bit further.  There is NO WAY I would have gotten to a 101 lbs. lost so quickly without her.  What the heck am I going to do when she moves to Arkansas?!  Does anyone volunteer to walk daily with me?

Also, thank you to all my FB friends who comment on my links.  In the beginning I did not want to post any of my blog to FB because I was so embarrassed that I had gotten so heavy.  What I realize now is we all struggle with something........mine just happens to be food!  Thank you for inspiring me to be my best self.

Lots of hugs and kisses to everyone.  THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart!  My journey is not over by a long shot but I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel.

100 Pounds Down!!!

 

This morning as I stepped on the scale, confetti and balloons fell from my ceiling.  Not really, but it would have been nice. 

217.1..............I began this journey at 318.  101 lbs. lost and not to EVER be found again.

I really can not believe it.  It is almost surreal.  I have stepped on the scale at least 10 times today to make sure it is correct.

I can't believe how emotional I am getting over this.  I am crying as I type. 

Honestly, I thought when I got down this size I would be content with where I am.  225 and I have spend YEARS together.  It is the number that I weighed after each pregnancy.  A size 16W or 18 in regular size.

But, now 217.............I am just passing through this number.  I am off to smaller and better things.

Next stop, Onderland.

Tales Of The Too Tight T-shirt

Six years ago, on Mother's Day, my kids made me a hand print t-shirt.  They each painted their little hands and decorated a shirt for me.  They thought they had given me the best thing ever.  There was only one problem..........

The t-shirt was a size large.  There was no way I could fit into it.  At the time I was a solid 3X.

I remember the look on their little faces.  They were so disappointed.  I remember how mortified and embarrassed I was.

Fast forward to the present.

Yesterday, I was digging around in my drawers eliminating clothes that are too big.  I pulled out the t-shirt.  It has never been worn.  It has been collecting dust in the bottom of my lingerie drawer.

I looked at the shirt.  I thought.......there is no way a large will fit yet.  But, I tried it on anyway.

Guess what?

It fit.  Perfectly.  It even has a bit of room in the shoulders and arms.

I was so excited.  I went to show the girls.

My middle daughter began to cry.  I asked her what was the matter.  She said that she could remember me not fitting into it.  That she was sad for me.  That I am not the same mom.  That she is proud.

She made me cry too.

Not because I was sad anymore. 

I finally feel like myself. 

I have found the mom I was meant to be. 



Unsolicited Diet Advice

Do you get unsolicited diet advice?  This past week it seems that I have received more diet advice than I ever have.

I have been told to:

1.  Eat only whole foods
2.  Try Herb*life
3.  No sugar
4.  No carbs
5.  More protein (this one makes it quite apparent that people do not know how us bandsters eat)
6.  Try a pre-packaged meal plan
7.  Join Weight* Watchers

And the list goes on.................

What makes it okay to approach me now?  Do they think maybe somehow I have lost 97 lbs. by some accident?

I have used this new found concern with my weight loss to educate people about being banded.  I am sure they love to hear me talk about the band but, fair is fair.  You want me to listen to your diet advice.....well, listen how I am going to keep my weight off.

You see, this is NOT a diet.  I look at this as a complete lifestyle change.  I know now what a correct portion size is.  I know I have to eat at least 80 grams of protein and drink about 100 oz. of water a day.  I know I have to keep my carbs to around 50 grams, my sodium to no more than 2,500 mg, my sugar below 30 g (that one I still struggle with!). 

The point is:  for the first time in my life I am knowledgeable about what goes into my body.  I track everything that enters my mouth.

I exercise no fewer than 5 days a week.  Most days between 1-1 1/2 hours.  I am extremely active now.

I know now what is takes.  I have goals.  I hold myself accountable.

If I choose to eat a cookie and the scale does not budge then I know it was my doing.  I also know that just one day is not going to affect how I eat MOST days. 

Now instead of "bad" foods and "good" foods,  I consider foods "sometimes" and "always". 

This band has changed my whole perspective about food.

This band is going to get me to my goal (that and my willpower).

This band is going to help me maintain when I get to goal.

This band is going to make me succeed.

Isn't it funny that a tiny piece of plastic has changed my whole way of thinking?

So, bring on the diet advice.  Just don't be surprised when you have to hear how about how Lap-band is my "diet" of choice.

How Do You Treat Others?

I have finally noticed a BIG difference in the way people treat me.

I get my door held open for me.  People make eye contact.  Strangers approach me.  I am not ignored.

Funny isn't it that when we were really large we were ignored?  When we needed the most compassion we got none.

I will say that I am sure I treat the world a lot differently than I did 97 lbs. ago.  I am sure I make eye contact more, that I smile more and that I actually start conversations now.  I hold my head a little higher, fix my hair, wear makeup again.........I just feel better physically and mentally.

I think  that what we put out there in the world we get back.  Kind of a Kharma thing.  If I put out negativaty, how can I expect to get positivity back?

But, it has become blatentley obvious that men especially are treating me different.

Yesterday, I had to take my flat tire in for repair.  The salesperson not only opened the truck to get out the tire, he hauled it in for me.  He asked me my name.  He held the door for me.  Would this have happened when I was 300 lbs.?  Probably not.

The world is kind of funny.  We are a fickle beauty chasing species.  Is that fair?  No.  But it is.

I really don't know what to make of this newfound treatment.  Part of me is sad that we put so much stock in beauty and being thin that we do not see true inside beauty.  Part of me is offended (yes, the 300 lb. girl wants to punch someone).  And part of me feels like I have worked hard so I should just accept it.

I will tell you this, I will NOT ignore people.  Thin, large, short, tall..........everyone has something to offer. 

And, that is what makes me glad I am going through this journey. 

 

Oh, Peanut Butter.............How I Love Thee.

Peanut butter is my downfall.  Any peanut product.  It doesn't matter.  I am not picky.

Nutter Butters, Jif by the spoonfull, homeade peanut butter cookies, honey roasted peanuts, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups................the list is endless.

When I was pregnant with my middle child I survived on peanut butter.  Really.  Everything else gave me heartburn.  And after she came out?  Everything gave her heartbearn............except, you guessed it.......peanut butter.  So, for 6 months while breastfeeding I ate peanut butter.

I know it is packed full of protein.  But, I am like a crack addict with it.  I even eat Capn Crunch Peanut Butter flavor.  *Sigh*

I don't wonder why the scale hasn't budged in 4 days..............I know why.  PEANUT BUTTER.

As I am looking through all my food logs I am seeing a trend.  Peanut butter has made a re-appearance.  I know there is healthy peanut butter out there.  I have tried it.  But, YUK.........dry and nasty.  No, I like the really bad Jif.  The full flavor with the loaded oil.  The kind that stays on your hips once it passes your lips.

Why am I writing this?  So, I can be accountable to all of you.

My goal this week is to cut peanut butter out.  I don't know whether to cut it out completely or limit it to maybe 2 servings this week.  Any suggestions would be helpful.

Right now I am going to go convulse in a corner..............because my peanut butter withdrawls have already started.